an epp life unfolds

i've moved

2012-01-30T08:42:00.001-06:00

well, my blog life has continued into a new world of wordpress.

if you would like to continue reading please let me know either though the comments or through email and i will send you the link!

maria

Craft Sale and thoughts…

2011-11-27T14:59:00.005-06:00

It has been a busy few weeks getting ready for the craft sale. Interesting though, I only created 7 pieces, 2 of which weren't even completed. I had a lot of fun playing with fabric and letting my imagination run wild. I don't think I've felt this much creative energy in a very long time!

Leading up to the last few days, the procrastinator artist in me was left with a lot to do. My good friend Heike and I stayed up working together on our machines. It was quite the sight. Fabric all over her bedroom as we both frantically pieced together our last bits. Our families were both gracious and kind to take up the slack. It's quite the rush!

We went to this sale, nerves flying high. This, Hieke's 3rd year and my first (last minute at that) we were both not sure what the day would bring.

Here are the pieces I put in:

Hanging Star (dreams and promises)

Silver Simplicity

Purple Haze

Golden Flight

Forest Greenery (sold to Heike)

I spent 6 hrs standing at my table as over 1000 people passed by! It was an incredible turn out. Incredible exposure to an art form, that in my opinion is still just budding! I however did not sell a single piece until the end when Heike graciously wanted one.

In many ways it was a roller-coaster for me. I had high hopes…the self-confident part of me did. I also thought my work was beautiful. But, against a backdrop of crafts from cute owl decorations to fine jewellery, framed art was not on the forefront of people's brains. Just as Emma's massage last year was completely overlooked. Going anywhere above 30.00 was probably out of the question as this was not marketed as a "One of a Kind" show.

All to say, it was a difficult first run for me, but a great learning experience. I received a lot of positive comments and know that next year I will focus on smaller items and things people can use rather than hang on their wall. Any suggestions?

I am currently working on a large black and white piece showing a winter forest. Every piece I make gets more detail and changes slightly in style. I have so many ideas I can't contain them!

What I am feeling today though, the day after, is immense longing for home. I am at the end of the roller-coaster. My family is tired. I am tired. What I need most are those who know me best. There really is nothing like that. And so, Christmas can't come soon enough, nor will it last as long as I would like. We all have days like that. I hope to connect with you all soon.

Love Maria

Crafting

2011-11-23T19:01:00.002-06:00

Well, it's been a busy house these days. Getting ready for the craft sale and Christmas all at the same time. It has been a lot of fun. Very colourful and whimsical. With the studio in our dining room and the kids fully into it…Mika painting and cutting and Iona singing and playing on her own, it has been a very joyful home to be in for the most part. Coffee in hand and sun shining in makes for a happy mom!

I am so thankful for the chance to have such a relaxing life. To parent the way I feel is best for my kids and have all our needs met. We are getting super excited to be celebrating the holiday season together with the Epp family here and then Klassen's in Ontario. As much as I'm not a snow person, I love the warmth it brings inside. We've already enjoyed some white fluffy stuff, along with squeels of glee as the first thing Mika says when waking is, "I want to go outside!"

I'm on a new journey health wise. I've realized the negative impact white SUGAR and flour has had on me. It's crazy how widespread this processed food can alter the quality of our life! So, I am slowly eliminating it from my diet. I know, right before sugar-plum fairies and candy canes. But, I know it will do me good. Less arthritic pain, less depression and less weight (hopefully). It will be slow and gradual, but that's how we do most things these days! Reno's being no exception!

Perhaps the next month of crafting will be a little more secretive!

Hope you are enjoying the coming winter as well (unless you are surrounded by glorious heat!)

Creating

2011-11-08T15:22:00.002-06:00

Well November is here and so the indoor life commences. If you are an at-home mamma and you need a bit of extra cash for the holiday cheer one must look inward to find new ways of earning such cash.

For me, it has always been art and the making of things beautiful.

Most years, I simply make gifts and avoid the shopping malls if I can. But this year I thought I would take a hack at the craft scene and put a few pieces in the WCV CRAFT SHOW!

I don't have my pics up yet so I can't show you what will be going in but let me tell you it is quite inspiring to be sewing again. This is the time of year I wish I could just ship my kids to Ontario (St. Catharines or Ottawa) and get to work!

For now, you can take a look at this one. It's a terrible shot of the real thing. It is in memory of my friend Christina who passed away last month. The whale represents death and the sun represents the fragility of life (lace). Death is wearing a party hat (which reminds me of Christina who always wore a new hat). Death is always a double edged sword. Both sad for those left behind but for the one moving on, a joyful endeavour into a less painful life.

I find I live with a lot of fear of death. Both for myself and the ones I love. I often feel like is lurking under the water, waiting to jump up and bite.

I know that's a terrible view of it but when you have lost someone in a traumatic way, (as I did as a child) life and death are not at all that separated. I am continually aware of its presence and the reason to be thankful for life.

Happy Creating!

Maria

Loving Life

2011-10-14T19:27:00.002-05:00

There are really so many things I am loving about life right now. I have often been describing it as a honeymoon period that we are in. We have settled into our home quite well. It's amazing how much has happened in the first month-and-a-half. I made a list last night, wondering if any progress had been made on our little reno project and realized that not only had we made little dents here and there, but we were thoroughly enjoying life as a family!

The best way to describe my feelings are that of going camping. Opening the door everyday and smelling the air. And so, here are a few of my favourite things these days,

The Sun… watching it rise in the morning to fill our house with dancing shadows and cool, white light. Resting in its warm orange rays on the couch during Iona's nap.
Mikayla's bursting creative imagination…she took a smarty box, grabbed some scissors and made a little house, which she then filled with a mouse and blanket that she cut out of felt. Hearing her curiosity grow and watching, as she pieces bits of memories together to form her reality. Seeing her confidence grow as she decides to go play outside on her own.
The fresh fallen leaves filling our yard. I think the last time I had this was living on 5th Street Louth at the age of 17. Every experience with leaves after that was very nostalgic and filled with longing. Here it is! Piles of leaves and my kids!
Reading Beatrix Potter to my kids.
Finding really cheap treasures at the MCC Thrift Store. Did I mention cheap?
Being creative again.

My Full of Life Iona

2011-07-01T20:00:00.002-05:00

Iona Livia…what a breath of fresh air! You fill the room with joy and exuberance. You are energetic from the moment you wake up and ready to jump, clap, talk and sing at any given moment! It truly is amazing how one little girl can impact so many people in one year.

We have had the privilege of sharing Iona's first year (less 3 months) here at Flatlanders with the many other adults and children living and visiting here. Morning prayers are never quiet when she's around. Everyone is greeted with a warm "hi" and noticed even from a distance. There are never any pretenses or judgements coming from this little innocent wonder. Just adoration and happiness.

It will be a quieter Flatlanders when we leave but thankfully Amanda is having a little baby any day now!

Iona, you have remained strong and adaptable when your mom wasn't always. You have put up with many changes to where you sleep, noises at all hours of the night, people coming and going in your life and dirty floors! You have loved Flatlanders through and through. I am so thankful for you in my life and continue to pray for grace as I grow into mothering you.

Love Mamma

Time to have a PARTY!

2011-05-16T21:50:00.003-05:00

So, I can't hold back any longer! I have to tell the world how great God is!

We have just found a house and a car within a week!

I won't go into much detail except to say that GOD IS SO GOOD!

We almost gave in, and bought something out of our price range and not exactly what we wanted. But the lesson we have learned on both house and car is that waiting is good. Letting God bring the right thing at the right time is the way to go! It seems like His opportunities are so much easier to make a decision on. They just feel right.

Another great thing we are learning is living within one's means. We have been so blessed to live on a tight budget all these years and learn the joy of saving. That is not to say that we bought a house with cash by any stretch! But to buy something you have saved up for rather than go into debt with is a much better feeling.

One last hurray is to God's provision through gifts and random circumstances. Our previous car was written off due to vandalism. We got back more than what we paid for it which seems unheard of in the car business! We were also given our inheritance from my Grandparents early to help with the down payment. What a huge blessing! Thank you God for all these things.

Let our faith increase that much more!

Stripping

2011-04-01T14:29:00.003-05:00

I lie here. Looking around this big room. Empty. Yet full.

So big. So many opportunities.

So many chances to be who I want to be…sitting on the floor playing blocks.

So many riveting projects to pursue…oh wait, I was going to make apple sauce.

So many mountains to climb creatively.…the crying baby calls me.

So many folks to befriend…the toddler rides by on her bike.

So many new skills to learn…my oldest just took her sister's toy again.

I lie here.

I want to be free.

I want to pursue my dreams.

And yet, I am stripped bare.

I am on this ground, waiting to see what is infront of me.

Two star-eyes.

Beauty and innocence look up.

Pure and raw. How can I pass this up?

Why do I look for more?

Why am I not able to see?

Why am I so full of myself still?

My dad once said, "It toke a child to help me grow up".

But I often wonder if we revert once they are out of the house. Do we ever grow up or do we just wait to go back to the way we always were?

I am here. I'm here on the ground. Maybe it will sink in one day (Maybe this rocky ground will soften).

Love… is what I'm waiting for. Love… is all that matters really.

Love… coming in and going out is the deepest piece of art I will ever create.

Love… is the only real skill I ever need to attain in this life.

Oh God. I am undone.

Our little Princess…a day unfolds

2011-02-23T15:04:00.004-06:00

Streamers, balloons, a princess tent and a beautiful sunny February day to welcome Mika into her 3rd Birthday! What a day…

All set for the party! At least one of us is. Matching outfits (Martha Stewart style I am told)! Iona decided she couldn't be out of my arms which made for a few difficult moments:)

Friends and cousins arrive with dressup clothes, ready to party.

Out come the strawberry snacks to get things going.

After some coffee and snacks and running up and down the hall a dressup game ensues. We all pass the bag and when the music stops we get to pick a surprise from the bag! It seems all good until some people don't want to wear what they get. Oh dear…

Ok, time for action plan food! This otta help the little princess get back on track. After some present opening, a new outfit arrives! Just in time to cheer the little one up. Perhaps all this attention was just too much for her. Princess tupcakes, as she calles them were definitely the highlight for her. I couldn't wipe her smile off!

Go go sugar energy! Into the princess tent we go! Dancing and laughing with glee!

Now we're talking! This little three year old has found her bounce once again. What a joy to watch her enjoy life as a kid!

And yet here she could be a teenager! Suddenly my little girl is all decked out!

I am continually amazed by you Mikayla. You're growing up so fast and I just want to hold on to your innocence and free spirit so that it lasts forever.

I know that your curiosity won't always lead you to pleasant discoveries. But I see your gentle heart grace us over and over again.

You welcome the world with open arms.

You light up with glee at the simplest things.

A sucker, a bus ride with Dad, a jump over the couch or a piggy back up the stairs.

I only want to think of more things to bring that big Klassen smile back onto your face!

Streamers, bright dresses, balloons and treats! I want to spoil you so much dear girl!

And I will as long as I can!

Positioning ourself...

2010-11-06T21:07:00.002-05:00

I'm amazed I don't write more. We are going through such a life change in every way. I feel like it is so fragile though, that to write about it would open things up almost too much.

But I love processing in writing so I will try once again, in my stumbling way.

To start, we are living with some amazing people. Truly. And this is just the beginning!

An understated, extremely talented musician who writes music all day and plays in bands all night.
A young woman with severe diabetes who loves children and loves people.
A 47 year old man with great grand-children! His mother is turning 70 and has 47 grandchildren!
A family who are constantly inviting others to join their family. They are breaking down the walls that define "family" in my life.
A young, passionate woman from small town Ontario who is dragging me out to the streets. Being the minority (white person) out on the street doesn't feel good. Being stared at doesn't feel good. We're finally getting a glimpse.
These are just a few of the people we live with.

We moved here to position ourselves. To let Jesus take us to the abandoned places. Not to be a light or a change. But to learn. To listen. To see Him at work. To receive actually.

One of the biggest things we are learning right now is how little "stuff" matters. We are told that "stuff" and the accumulation of it is bad for the environment. But that isn't enough to get us to change. What I am discovering is that there really is no time for stuff, for projects, for shopping even. Many would say that is because I have a young babe and a busy toddler. To true! But also, the priorities are starting to shift (ever so slowly) in me.

Living here makes me think about spending my time with people more than with my stuff.

Many would wonder (including myself) how to find time in their lives for inviting a stranger into their home when they don't even see their friends.
Many would wonder how to find time to go to drop-in or volunteer somewhere with their kids' busy lives.
Perhaps that is the beauty in living here...it isn't another thing to do. It is our life. These are our family now. Is that crazy to say?

But...even though we are here and it would seem extremely convenient, it still takes a lot of will power and choice making. I can easily hide out in my pod. I can, and often do run away from people. But I'm starting to change. I'm starting to realize the desperate need in my heart to be with others. To be known in my darkness. To be known in my humanity rather than in acquaintance.

I think that that is the exhausting bit for me in life. Knowing people on a once-a-week basis. Updating folks on the good stuff and hinting at the bad stuff. But never really being known or knowing another.

And that brings me to my last thought for the night. A quote from Jean Vanier:

When people are physically well, performing creatively, successful in their lives, loneliness seems absent. But I believe that loneliness is something essential to human nature; it can only be covered over, it can never actually go away. Loneliness is part of being human, because there is nothing in existence that can completely fulfill the needs of the human heart. (p.7, Becoming Human, Jean Vanier)

Even life in community, in family, in marriage can be lonely. I've been hitting a pretty dark spot the last few days. It's so hard to be with others in this state. But here I am.

Here We Are

2010-10-17T22:21:00.003-05:00

I'm sitting beside my singing 3.5 month old at 10pm. She's awake now for another hour before she drifts asleep. She's too adorable to get angry at, though when it's the 5th night in a row that we're getting 5 hrs of sleep at night, one does beg to wonder why we can't just have normal babies!

Babies who fall asleep with a soother, and sleep more than an hour (at a time) during the day.

I won't complain though right?

These little treasures are only tiny for a short time. They are the most wonderful thing to hold and cuddle. I know Iona doesn't get as much cuddling and Daddy time as Mika did. She probably just wants that one-on-one time.

It's been about 2 months of living here at Flatlanders. Going by my lack of posts, you will guess that life has been more than busy for us. Simply having an infant and a toddler to raise full-time makes any journalling, facebooking, emailing or phone-calling for that matter a very very rare occassion. But on-top of parenting we are now fully engaged in community life! That means that having time for even our own family is a precious commodity.

I wouldn't be able to describe the last two months of transition. It's been a challenge like no other. Being post-pardum and going through so many changes was probably not the best decision on our part. But I guess that's what community is for!

We're hear now, living with 20 odd people and actually enjoying it a lot. We are giving up a lot of our privacy, stuff, time etc...but we're gaining so much more! It's hard to describe the beauty we're already seeing in ourselves and our kids. The way we are provided for by others. The way we have so much richness by sharing our lives with others.

Living in the North End, on Main no less has been easier than I thought. Perhaps because I'm a mom and don't get out much. Maybe not. Kaitlin and I went to the Northern (a rough bar/restaurant) the other day. It was 4pm, not a super busy time of day. We had a glass of Coke and looked around. We were definitely the minority, being the only blondes in the place. People stared at us for long periods of time. It was awkward but good in way. I think it's good to feel a little uncomfortable. To place one's self in a culture that is different than your own and just realize that your way is definitely not the only way. It's also nice to do something way out of mommy land!

Well that's me for now. Glad to be getting a bit more rhythm to life and settling in more and more. Having a date with my husband this weekend really helps!

Pictures to come soon:)

…and we're moving!

2010-08-03T18:49:00.004-05:00

The most beautiful thing in the world is to see your own children interact with love.

Mikayla and Iona are getting along great. Iona is cooing more and little grins are surfacing ever so often now. Mika will often come over to stroke her head, tickle her toes and speak kind words to her. It's SO ADORABLE!

We are in the middle of another big change in moving locations once again. It's sad to leave The Ruth and the radom folks we live beside. We'll miss so much about this place that it definitely demands a post of it's own. But for now I simply say that with every good thing that comes our way we have to say goodbye to something wonderful too.

When Iona came, we had to say goodbye to all the time we could devote to Mika. We had to actually mourn the fact that she wouldn't get our undivided attention. That is hard as a parent but now with the four of us the love has just multiplied (I'm getting really gushy).

So in leaving The Ruth we will miss so much but only to welcome something even better in it's own way. We are really excited about this new stage in our life and can't believe it's already here!

Things I'm Loving

2010-07-21T13:48:00.005-05:00

Sleeping babies (number 1!)

Carrying Iona in the sling and seeing how fast she falls asleep

Watching Iona sleep in her cozy hammock

Holding Iona's 3 week old hand while she's sleeping

Sleeping myself

Slow mornings with a big cup of tea and fried eggs

Going for walks with just Mika and me

Red Poppies (one of my favourite flowers)

Strawberry jam made by my mom this year!

Hearing Mikayla talk to herself in the morning

Having my wonderful husband home all summer…I couldn't do it without him!

Watching my garden grow without my help because of all the rain we're getting

Spending time with family and friends (especially at Papa's pool)

Cherishing these moments of new life in my arms

Introducing Baby Iona Livia Epp

2010-07-10T22:09:00.003-05:00

Born July 29th at 11:30 am we are proud to announce the arrival of our second daughter,

Iona (island) Livia (peace) Epp! Her name has a lot of significance to us which I hope to elaborate on later.

What a joy she has already been after 11 days.

A beauty like her big sister and a dream child in so many ways. Content and happy to eat and sleep and poop. Much like her mommy was as a baby, she is sleeping long hours at night which we are so thankful for.

Mikayla is still adjusting to the change with a lot less attention being given to her. She is being spoiled by Grandma now so that is helping a lot.

Mika calls her little sister Yona, and will often come close and stroke her head or body. She loves it when she's awake, "Yona eyes open?" But other times like in the car today Mika said, "No Yona. Yona away." It's a hard change for her but she's doing really well.

I'm recovering slowly it seems. I guess because of the warm weather I just don't want to stay inside! I've been out to a wedding reception, Marlese's and Nelly's both for the afternoon. I was sick with a 12 hr flu two nights ago which really brought me down. I'm still gaining my strength back from that and am trying to rest but of course it's different with two kids.

Nate is away this weekend on a much needed break with his guys. I don't think he's ever done something like this since we got married so it was long overdue. Since my mom is here to help out it was the best time for him to go this summer.

We have a busy summer ahead with packing and moving in August and then travelling to Ontario for a 2 week visit all with a newborn. I am trying not to stress about it but just take one day at a time.

Iona is so sweet. She has a vigorous suck and has started to have longer awake times. She's adorable when she sleeps…always getting her hands out of her wrap and loves to be in bed with me. I forgot how physical being a mother is. I have a lot to say about becoming a mother to a newborn again. There were a few really rough nights where I was up thinking about the change in my life. It's late though, so I will save that for another post.

For now we are excited to be together as a family and stay in this little cocoon of bonding (except for this weekend).

Timing

2010-06-26T20:17:00.002-05:00

It's so hard not to get caught up on the due date and impatiently wonder when the baby will come. But really, it has nothing to do with us and only God knows so I want to trust Him.

We had a great day today. I had lots of energy and so we made a great french toast breakfast, cleaned up the house a bit, did an errand at ToysRUs, and then went for a long walk along the river at the Forks. Once we were home we took a rest and then made fresh pizza with herbs from the garden. Mika helped Nate make the dough and just loves being in the kitchen with him. It's so adorable!

She learned the word precious. We'll have to record that sometime.

I'm really seeing a lot of Nathan in her lately. Her gentle, compassionate side has been so evident lately (something I lack). We were playing on the floor and she was running throughout the house. She came running at me and I was off guard. She plowed right into my stomach and hit my head. Instantly she was touching my body all over and saying sorry Mommy. She loves the word sorry.

A way that she's like me though, is her inability to communicate when she's tired, frustrated or upset. She actually starts talking baby talk gibberish and can't formulate her thoughts. It is really annoying so we'll have to learn together how to communicate during those times!

So Lord, we trust you to bring this baby to us when the time is right. Help us to relax, enjoy each other and be at peace.

summer life emerges

2010-06-21T13:40:00.004-05:00

As we come to the end of wet wet June, I look back at all the summery things we've already enjoyed this year. The hot weather has been a treat and we've jumped in the pool a fair number of times already! Not only at Papa's but also in the sprays and splashes of the Legislature Fountains. It was such a hot day that we really didn't care what anyone thought of us. We were desperate to get wet!

We've planted our garden along with our neighbours and enjoyed some fresh mint tea, chamomile and basil already. Mika has her own sandbox now and loves playing with the neighbour cats.

Of course with all the wetness comes the swarms of mosquito's which have pushed us further away from the parks for sure. Mika thinks the calamine lotion is paint and wants to decorate her whole body. I should let her really go at it sometime!

This weekend we celebrated Father's Day with a little hope that maybe we'd have a baby already but no go. Instead, we had a wonderful, relaxing day at Dad Epp's and basked in the hot sun…one of Nathan's favourite things to do!

Along with summer comes lots of pretty dresses, yummy ice-cream, flip-flops and naked bums, Life takes on a much slower pace which I'm quite happy with right about now!

We're anxious now to see this little pineapple (as we've nicknamed) arrive and see the new world around. To know all the wonders and miracles of a new life unfold. I can't wait!

life is too short not to get wet!

the baby bump

Waiting Mode

2010-06-12T22:46:00.002-05:00

You know how the worst thing you can say to a woman is, "When are you due?" especially if she's not expecting! Well, I think the second worst is this:

"Oh, I used to be an Obstetrician, are you 5 months now?" and I say, "No I'm due in a week" and they say, "Oh, well you haven't dropped yet so…"

Great! I haven't dropped yet. Just what I want to here!

Today was another errand day and getting things done day. Nate baked bread and built a sand box (need pics) for Mika. I went to Stupid Store and bought more soil, sand (that was the stupid part), healthy type snacks to keep in the freezer for post-baby cravings and a bunch of presents for Mika so that she feels special when the new one arrives. I wanted to keep them a secret but of course the moment I arrive in the door she points to one sticking out of the bag…a magnetic fishing rod and fish. She had fun playing with it in the tub today already.

The baby hammock is done (pics coming soon) and other sewing projects are partly done. I have resolved that they will get done eventually and it isn't the end of the world if they don't. The hospital bag is almost packed and the herbs for the sitz bath are sitting in the kitchen ready to be used. I also discovered that my lovely patch of chamomile growing outside is an amazing muscle relaxant (even drunk cold) and am in the process of drying all the flowers. Who knew that one did not have to take Tylenol to relax?

I still nap almost everyday and then stay up too late. I'm just so thankful that I've learned the art of napping now.

Life is in waiting mode and slow mode. Mika saw Nate rubbing my feet and wanted to do the same. This was too cute for words!

The Last Stretch (literally)

2010-06-07T14:44:00.003-05:00

After 9 months of waiting and wondering what our life will be like, the wondering is coming to an end. At 38 weeks there isn't much time left.

We just spent another weekend away, the three of us among the 20 Epp siblings and cousins. It was a blast for Mikayla to be around so many little kids. I've never seen her so excited and friendly. She would say hi to everyone who she saw and would jump up and down just to be in nature. She took risks like swimming in a really cold pool. She managed to go for an hour long walk with Auntie Loraleigh even though she missed her nap the day before and only got 10 hrs of sleep at night. Her energy and emotional stability had reached it's limit but she couldn't resist the interaction and fun.

I also exerted more than I would normally and felt it at the end of the day with much pain. Others were wondering if the baby would arrive early so they all took a pool on a bunch of questions about the baby. Sex, weight, date, time of day, name etc… It was quite funny and the winner gets the 5 bucks!

I definitely feel like the baby is dropping lower and walking has become more of a waddle (good times). Do I feel ready for this new addition? I think so. We've started praying more regularly for an inner preparation and welcoming in our hearts. The timing couldn't have been planned better as far as Nathan's schedule is concerned. With him off for the summer, we will experience quality time like we never have before.

I am due on the 22nd and so I ask for your prayers, as my heart still gets butterflies thinking about the birth. Peace of mind. Strength of body. Openness of heart to whatever comes our way!

In the Moment....growing up so fast

2010-05-21T09:13:00.002-05:00

Lately, I've been realizing the need to make every moment count with Mikayla. To take the time to go out and see things around the city and have little dates, just mommy and Mika. It's been a really great thing for us and yet I know once the baby comes we will have new ways of bonding. She will definitely find a new love for her daddy since he'll be around more. I am so curious to see how Mikayla reacts to being a big sister. She is so good with her little baby dolls and takes such care of them and yet when I'm holding a baby she gets crazy jealous and clings to me saying, "Mine, Mine". I really hope she can enter into this change gracefully!

Where I Live

2010-05-02T10:35:00.003-05:00

It has been an eye-opening spring for us…once again. This year a little different than other years where we've struggled with the garbage and yelling on the street as the snow melts away.

This year has been much more alarming in the fact that our neighbouring building has been taken over by drug dealers. Along with this has entered a handful of working girls. Along with them, many vehicles and strangers.

Last night, as so many have been in the past, was another siren filled night. The chase happened right in front of our bedroom window. Nathan and I have both been praying a lot these last few days. We've been in contact with the police and they are starting to do some surveillance. We know that they will eventually be caught and brought to prison for a while and then they will move somewhere else.

I guess the difficulty I have had lately is simply knowing that there are 3 churches on our street. Do they know about what we are facing as families living here? Do they struggle with us in regaining the night and day? In finding a way to build community in a neighborhood that isn't safe for our kids?

I was reminded to read something from Shane Claiborne on the way Jesus lived with and became "the poor". He didn't dominate them or cure them. He didn't buy them things and move on. He experience what they did and struggled with the things they did.

I know we share a building with lots of other families. We are all in this together… I am open to God's teaching in this.

Here are some quotes from Shane Claiborne's Article, Downward Mobility in an Upscale World

If we are to truly be the church, poverty must become a face we recognize as our own kin.

"When someone strips a man of his clothes, we call him a thief. And one who might clothe the naked and does not — should not he be given the same name? The bread in your cupboard belongs to the hungry; the coat in your wardrobe belongs to the naked; the shoes you let rot belong to the barefoot; the money in your vaults belongs to the destitute." Or, in the words of Dorothy Day, "If you have two coats, one of them belongs to the poor." Should we not, then, return our stolen goods with humility, like a child returning a stolen candy bar to the grocery store clerk? Should we not cry out, in the words of St. Vincent de Paul: "May the poor man forgive me the bread I give him"?

I believe the church has forgotten its identity. The church is not an institution, a meeting, or a building. It is not something we go to. The church is something we are — an organism, not an organization.

The church needs to stop talking about ending the pain of the poor and instead join the poor.

The love of Jesus will teach us another way of doing life, a way that will bring God's reign to earth as it is in heaven. The reign of God is not for the future. It is something we live today.

This Moment

2010-04-23T17:07:00.003-05:00

Feeling a sense of calm and reflection these days. Starting to turn a bit more inward and focused on the coming day ahead. I'm excited to see how God will lead us through this next growth in our family.

Dirt…Chives…Toes

2010-04-17T19:41:00.003-05:00

We have arrived at warm weather at last. Is it the last of the cold? I doubt it but it's the middle of April now and we deserve to dig in the dirt, touch the grit, smell the freshness and play with our toes! It's been a very dry season so far. Not a lot of puddle pictures yet but I can definitely see this next gardening season being a fun one with a toddler at hand and an energetic daddy to haul the dirt.

Perhaps I haven't updated everyone, but Nate has decided to take the two months of summer as Paternity leave with a few side jobs along the way. It means I can focus on the new baby coming in June and also enjoy the summer with our growing family. It is an opportunity that rarely comes along. Yes, we will be living on love and it will be wonderful.

My seeds are starting to sprout as the sun keeps pouring into our south kitchen window. As busy as life is and continues to get with a more independent Mika and a less energetic, 3rd-trimester Mommy…seeing the seeds grow is so therapeutic for me.

I have just enjoyed an extended visit from my Mom over the last week and felt so enlivened and touched. Having a mom who knows and cares for you is something I will never take for granted. It is so precious to have her with us. She had an unexpected gall bladder attack and had to go into surgery to have it removed. This extended her stay an extra 5 days! It wasn't easy to see her at the hospital and in pain, but in many ways it was better that she was here, living with Nel and surrounded by help with no distractions.

It is always really difficult to say good-bye. I always think of Mikayla and the shortness with which she gets to experience her Grandma. But I suppose her relationship with that side will always be special and prized.

Pics of our time together will be posted soon.

Oh Look! Sun!

2010-03-19T13:04:00.002-05:00

In the moment this week… a snapshot of beautiful, sunny rays streaming onto our porch and into our kitchen window. It brings me such joy. We had our first bbq with neighbours on the weekend. I even hung laundry out this week. The layers, the Heike hats, the rain boots, the time OUTSIDE is finally here!
Of course, along with spring also comes sniffles, harsh cold winds, flying garbage, and perpetually dusty everything. But as I said last week, in the moment things are good.
A quote that my sister-in-law gave me this week has been an encouragement and something we are familiar with but needs to be revisited:

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr

In the Moment

2010-03-12T13:45:00.003-06:00

Two pictures from this week. Opposite emotions. One of frustration and mommy trying to make things a little less serious. The other of glee and delight in hugging animals.

This week has been one of ups and downs for Mika and myself. After sharing a bit last night at House Group, I realized that there have been several factors which just kept bringing my mood down. Listening to the news for one. Hearing tragic stories of pain (in real life) and having it remind me of my own story. Finding it difficult to get enough "me" time or simply accomplish what I want to around the house. Being physically more tired than usual. Potty training that never ends. And grey weather (until today).

But, in the moment…the sun is shining, the little one is sleeping soundly, the dishes AND laundry are done and I'm enjoying some peace and quiet. Must relish this moment:)

Birthday Celebrations!

2010-03-10T16:33:00.003-06:00

Mikayla is two! And the time going by has just went up a notch. Busy little bee that she is, there's never a dull moment. The party was a hoot as we also watched the final Olympic Hockey game and WON against the States which was pretty awesome. Mika was the center of attention and yet she preferred to just sit on Grandpa's lap and look around.

She got just what she never knew she wanted…a guitare! Bonding time with Daddy is oh so harmonious now! What a cutie. She loves to be like us and do things we do. It's a lot of fun.
She's at an age where life is full of emotion (and perhaps this stage will never end, being a girl).
Whether it's squeals of glee at the pool, or jumping in a puddle, or screams of terror when she doesn't get to where her pink spring jacket because it's too cold yet. The progression from diapers to underwear is a gradual life change which is taking a lot of convincing on our part that, yes, really, it's a good thing to not sleep in wet clothes! The concept is still not quite sinking in.
We are into everything these days…even wiping our own bums...gotta love parenting.

So what can I say? I love this girl from the bottom of my heart. I journaled about her whole last year and am keeping a little scrap book for her when she leaves home. I want her to know that she had pneumonia on her second birthday and that she spoke through her eyes more than words for a long time. I want her to know that she has an incredibly giving heart which is delicate and often sensitive. She has a quiet, gentle nature but also an incredibly goofy, hilarious side which she often keeps for home time (or for people she really likes). She makes us laugh and smile all the time with the cute ways she does things.

What's It Like...

2010-02-20T21:27:00.003-06:00

...to have a toddler with Pneumonia?

Basically it's like having a normal toddler who is on some strange drug which either knocks them out cold or energizes them to the point that they are frustrated.

Since Mikayla has been on this drug she has been doing better but in a very odd way. She takes it 3 times a day. She falls asleep super fast and yet at times she fights it like she is in pain.

When she is awake she acts kind of giddy. She laughs and does things over and over again (climbing on the couch and getting off). She isn't really herself. When she is tired but sick of lying down she becomes inconsolable. Everything is frustrating to her. Anything touching her bothers her. Her soother bothers her. She wants to be on my lap and off at the same time. She is simply in agony. It is so hard to watch.

Today was a better day but the tiredness didn't grip her as strong as the other days and yet she couldn't bear to do anything else. She finally settled in front of the screen watching 101 Dalmations (thanks to Kathy's unintended suggestion) with Daddy.

Other things about taking care of a sick toddler...
It is actually a very special time. It is very bonding because they are so weak. I have often felt like she was a little baby again.

Sleeping with her on my bed and watching her sleep is so precious (that hasn't happened in over a year).
Feeding her food because she is too weak to hold up her hand.
Reading her books a million times over.
Finding ways to make her smile, just craving to hear her happy voice and laugh again (this was at the beginning of the sickness).
Wishing we could take her out when she runs to get her coat on when Daddy or Mommy are leaving the house.
Wanting to spoil her with treats and yummy things that will give her some form of energy. Even if that means a bowl of ice-cream in the middle of the day!
Playing in the bath a lot

A frustrated Mikayla: refusing to lye the other way. She just wanted to push her head against the bed.

...being 22 Weeks pregnant?

Well, what to say... The belly is obtrusive and uncomfortable (with underwear getting tighter). Sitting is getting more and more limited in positions. The whole "feeling attractive" bit is out the window (although Nate keeps saying curves are wonderful). Energy is still good but I haven't hit the 3rd trimester yet! Emotions are still running rampant as are the dreams. I relax with a bath almost every night and really enjoy hot drinks. My health consciousness has been a lot more relaxed with this pregnancy (I hope everything is still okay in there). I've been loving yoga and am generally much less irritable than the last go.

I'm still in denial about the whole birth part. I feel positive but still in shock that I'm actually doing the whole thing over again…thank God for the forgetting hormone.

I read a fun, if not fantasy type book called, "Hot Mama". It's all about staying sexy while your pregnant and keeping the fire going so-to-speak. Albeit the write has never had children…it was an encouraging look at ways to have intimacy and stay connected to your husband pre and post baby…he is a lifeline that we want to hold onto in all this (as is God)!

Nathan has been amazing. He's a fantastic dad and really takes care of me in so many ways. I don't know how I would do it without him.

I wish I was journaling and thinking more about this little growing pineapple of ours but there is so much else to focus on. I guess that is what the second child is forever used to…being part of a larger whole, sharing the lime-light. I know the "4th Trimester" will be precious and yet different from the first. It won't just be the baby and me… Mikayla will be bonding just as much as I will. I look forward to the newness of life coming our way!

Winter Peacefullness

2010-02-15T19:19:00.005-06:00

Nate and I just got back from a long weekend away from the city. We were up in Riding Mountain enjoying a little romantic getaway while Mikayla had fun with Grandma Epp.

I knew it would go by fast so I tried to make the most of it with planning easy meals, no schedule and simple pleasures.

We couldn't have picked a better weekend weather wise. The sun shone bright all day with really comfortable temperatures. One of my favourite moments was our long walk through the still still forest, laden with a heavy coat of snow. It was quiet and not a branch was moving. The moment I get into this kind of peaceful environment I think of all the wonderful things I want to do in life, places I would love to travel to, people I want to be and I just feel this insatiable hunger for life. I never want to die and can't wait for eternity to basically have as many adventures as I can!

I also get a new sense of appreciation for the natural world and how many lessons it has to teach us. I love that it doesn't evolve like we do with new technological advances and ways of depreciating meaning. It remains true to it's message and it only takes some quiet to hear the strong voices being spoken.

I have also been re-watching the "Planet Earth" Series and am overwhelmed with the variety and strength of the world. I am perplexed by the suffering that a new mother polar bear must undertake to provide food for her two cubs, to the point that she is near starvation before it is warm enough for her to venture out for food. The same goes for the penguins who huddle together over 5 months of darkness. What parents must endure in the wild to produce offspring is incredible.

This little holiday was far from suffering and we were so blessed to have a retreat before the next major shift in our life comes this June. We missed Mikayla a lot though. Three nights feels like forever and so we have a new found closeness being together again.

We look forward to celebrating her 2nd birthday in a week!

The Chalet from a distance

Look at the amount of snow!

Thoughts from a Sunday Morning Artist

2010-01-10T09:27:00.003-06:00

So, unbeknown to me I had a dream that, in the telling gave me a lot of food for thought.
I won't delve into the strange tangents my sleeping brain takes right now, but I will impart some of my questions and concerns this morning, coming from a confused artist…

As I think back over my life I can see how often I resisted the "stage" or the "page" so-to-speak. I loved to create and be creative but I hated the performance aspect of it, in whatever format that creation would take. I learned how to perfect the art of music performance through years of lessons but did not find joy in it. Today I find that I resist all forms of performance. This concerns me…

Why don't I have a healthy understanding of offering my skills or talents for others to enjoy?

I think of who I am and the way I find immense joy in creating "on-the-spot" or "in-the-moment" pieces both musically and visually. That is what I love and never want to have evaluated or judged or put in the spot light! Is that okay?

I also find that when people see or here my art they assume I can repeat this beauty over and over again. The pressure to "produce" and fulfill an outcome can feel daunting and often take away from the joy of creating. I seem to recall many artists in the past feeling the same way…especially writers.

There will always be a tension for artists who want to be authentic and true to themselves but also share their talent and skill with others…for profit or otherwise.

Maybe I'm off my rocker. Maybe true, authentic creativity naturally wants to spill out for others to see and here? I'm not sure. There is much of God's creation that is on display for all to see but much that is hidden and must be sought out by only the devoted.

Perhaps this is what it comes down to…be yourself and don't hoard the treasure in your heart. At the same time, do not act as though you are something you are not. If you create, that does not mean you create all the time and must share everything you do create. Treasure the deep things and keep them close to your heart but search for ways to pour out into others in a generous way that is life/joy giving to all involved. I think that is the litmus test…does a sense of joy accompany the giving?

Earth Friendly Christmas Tree

2009-12-10T12:46:00.002-06:00

I was just thinking today about how buying a live Christmas tree these days isn't really that nice to the earth. Thousands of trees grown, cut and then tossed to the bin. How does that make sense? I looked it up online and found this great idea. Renting a tree for Christmas. I still think live trees are better than plastic but perhaps we can think of an alternative for next year.

My Man!

2009-10-26T13:20:00.007-05:00

Nathan is now one year older and perhaps a tad bit wiser. A beautiful man full of creative interests and positive energy.
I couldn't have chosen a better man as a husband and celebrating him this week is what we shall do!

Random things I love about my man:

The way he encourages me to cut my own hair and to be the artist I'm meant to be.
The way he spends his personal time by reading Harry Potter in German!
The way he plays with Mikayla and makes her laugh like no one else can.
The way he loves Bono and David Ruis and comes alive when he hears them.
The way he finds patience for my never-ending need for rearranging our house...I know most of my room-mates couldn't handle that!
The way he loves to travel to work...by bus. He is so unique.
The humility in him that doesn't demand things he would love to have or do. His gracious love for others and loyalty to friends.

I love you Babe!

Going Outside

2009-10-13T10:42:00.003-05:00

Well, I don't think the weather can keep us in! We've proved it.
It snowed for Thanksgiving this year and though we felt glum and sad that we were cold, we still made it outside to enjoy the yellowing leaves.
What I am most excited about though, is this coming week where I get to enjoy autumn in Ontario!
Where the weather only fluctuates between 5 degrees rather than 10 and the leaves have more colours than just yellow!
I'm sure lots of pictures will be taken then but for now, here's three…

coming inside

2009-10-01T13:14:00.004-05:00

Well I thought it was a while since I posted some great pics of this cute 19 month old. We've had a few pretty cold days now and it's looking like fall is here for good. We've been dreading it but now that it's here I have to somehow find a way to make it good and enjoyable for us all. Coming inside is the hardest part. Mika and I love going for walks and have discovered many parks in the area as you can see in the pictures. Even just sitting on the porch is filled with so many memories from this summer. It's hard to think that we could have as much fun inside. But does fall and winter mean we're stuck indoors? Probably not. It's just a lot more work for mom. But worth it. I find if I don't get fresh air everyday I'm a lot less "at ease".

This picture really reminds me of myself as a kid. I loved swings so much!

I did a 24hr detox on Tuesday. It was really hard but I got to make a few fruit and veggie drinks which was enjoyed by Nate and Mika as well. Anytime a straw is part of the equation Mikayla is happy!

Of course the threesome (Ben, Norah and Mika) just before the temperatures dropped. Being silly, goofy, fun little kids. Oh, I'll miss hanging my laundry outside.

What am I looking forward to in this next season?

Warm drinks like Nepali chai tea.
Fresh indoor herbs! (sorry I just love my plants)
Eating the jam we made
ok, think fall…um, crunchy leaves
Bundling up in warm knitted scarves and mitts
Going to Ontario twice!!!
Having lots of play parties with music and books from the library and playdough and imagination
Sewing…ahhhh
Warm blankets and quiet sleeps with an end to construction (I hope)!

the changing of seasons…

2009-09-09T13:10:00.004-05:00

For us Fall is a very marked occassion. Every year of our marriage (that being 2) we have gone through this cycle of summer job over to winter job. We have been so blessed to have work every year and Nathan has started his new position at Miles Mac as a level 3 TA full time while taking 1 evening course at UofW.

He loved his summer job in construction but there is always a welcome indoor life during the cold months! It's a perfect mix for him.

With the changing of seasons I have personally felt connected to history simply by being more aware of the harvest season and trying to take part in that in whatever way I can. We have been to a number of markets and gardens and even picked Choke Cherries for the first time in my life! Here is the outcome:

from this
to this! 8 jars of jelly!

As the warm days have been waning I've tried to be outside as much as possible. Going to parks around the city, getting out of the city and discovered many hidden treasures along with cousins and friends. It has been incredible.

I feel ready (almost) for the next season in my life. I am scared at what that might look like (you can all guess) but excited too. Now is the time to live to the fullest. No holding back. Our children are discovering everything for the first time. I feel I need to make it full of richness and beauty.

Are you ready for the next season in your life?

Epp Camping Trip

2009-08-18T13:28:00.002-05:00

So we toughed it out at Spruce Woods with the Epp kids and their kids x 8 this last weekend! We all brought our campers and tents and lots of rain gear as we were anticipating the hours of rain we got!
We thought long and hard about moving to Jason + Loraleigh's since they have a huge yard but really, we just wanted to have the experience rain or shine.
Mikayla absolutely loved the puddles and was happy pretty much the whole time even with little sleep during the day. I loved the fires and the kick ass bison burgers I made. It was a lot of work…and so I now know why so many just wait till their kids are older. But deep down I know Mikayla's little memory box is full of goodness right now!

Playing in Puddles

Untitled from Maria Epp on Vimeo.

Enjoying August

2009-08-11T12:38:00.004-05:00

As much as the weather has not been good till this week we are enjoying family time finally!

Last weekend was fantastic and I wanted to blog right away but lost my camera for a bit.

We finally made it out to the largest farmer's market in Manitoba, St. Norberts. It was cold and rainy but the place was packed. There were farmers from all over displaying their produce which was so beautiful. I wanted to buy it all even if I didn't have a plan for it.
We listened to some great live salsa jazz and watched Mika dance. There were tuns of crafters who made me want to buy all my Christmas gifts at once.

I felt so complete and kept saying, "I feel like a human." Isn't that the truth? Whether it's actual gardening or simply buying food from farmers and seeing the line ups for fresh everything, there is a new element of peace that settles in. Rather than the line ups at the grocery store that are annoying with gross magazines and chocolate bars, we can enjoy all the veggies surrounding us and actually talk to the people who grew the food! What a novel idea.
I wish this could be year round but it can't. I know this used to be normal and not special in the past but for me…it's a new idea that I would like to become normal again.

our findings…a bouquet of flowers for the open house for cheap, beets for burgers, saskatoon berries, honey, bison meat, and other good veggies. soon we'll have our own tomatoes, cucumbers, peas and zucchini.

Happenings

2009-07-30T13:17:00.009-05:00

We're Done the Reno! I am still in shock that I actually get my husband back. Now we have all of August to enjoy together!

Our very own red delights!

And the beginners garden extraordinaire! In the right corner a toppling tower of snow peas. In the front middle a bursting pumpkin. In the far right another bursting cauliflower and a towering, ever-blooming sunflower in the left corner! Scattered throughout are carrots, spinach and over-shaded peppers. My layout was lacking!

A spontaneous trip to Gimli Beach where the water was warmer, wavier, less crowded and generally more fun with our Ruth Gang plus a few kiwi's!

Of course she was the most interesting of us all!

Dad being covered in sand.

Mikayla and Mom's first time at playdough fun.
It turned out more like plain dough but she liked it none-the-less!

Dolls and babies and little stuffed fuzzies are the focus in this house it seems!

Where have I been the last two weeks?

2009-07-20T21:09:00.006-05:00

Well I've had a full two weeks. It's been busy and fun and hard at the same time.

It's summer so you can't go wrong with that! Everything is in full bloom. My garden is bursting with great things. I keep snapping photo's of it's progress because it is so exciting to me!

Mikayla is bursting with life too and I can't keep up! She has energy from 6:30am on and her poor old mom is supposed to be ready to play and have fun! Toddler-hood has set in and the running never stops. I finally decided to stop tidying up every single moment of the day and just let things be. But mostly I try to get out of the house. It's nice out and we can both be occupied without driving each other crazy!

On the flip side everything this summer has been tainted by the reno and the lack of family time. It's been exhausting and I've run out of mental and emotional energy for it which is why we are so thankful it is finally coming to an end. I guess you could say I've been depressed for these past few months because of it. I usually try to keep this blog more on the positive side since it is where I can reflect on all the good that is happening but honestly this has been a hard summer for us.

But here are some great pics from the last few days. Reuben, Nate's best friend was married to Sofia this weekend and it was beautiful! I took off last week with 5 girls to the lake for 1 night, also fantastic! Strawberry season has begun so we are in the jam making process:) The BBQ has been used often as well as the backyard kiddie pool! For apartment life, you can't find a better location with kids!

Oh, we finally made it out to the beach this weekend! How can it be that we've been delayed this long? Mika loved it to bits. She was giggling the whole time. She couldn't get enough of the hundreds of people and sand and cooool water. She started shivering after a few minutes in the water. It was a perfect day for it!

Ahhh… July with Grandma

2009-07-08T13:17:00.005-05:00

I can't complain right now. Just reflecting on the pictures from the last week and into this week, I see how blessed we are. Mom is here to visit for a good while and we are lovin' it. We've been taking in the summer for all its worth enjoying the city come alive as much as the land. Both my gardens are thriving in the hot sun and we've already enjoyed our first spinach salad.

The wading pools have all opened up and so Mikayla is experiencing water for the first time with lots of little kids. She is her sociable self and loves to run off and visit others which keeps me on my toes. Grandma and her have had lots of bonding time, going for walks, reading stories and even some sleep overs! I wish she could stay the whole summer and watch all the new discoveries but we'll take what we can get.

It has been a great distraction for me since Nathan is working a lot which has been really hard for us all. It's already mid July and time is flying by. We hope to go on a few mini-getaways in the next month which will be great.

Have a great summer everyone!

Relaxing Sunday with Daddy

2009-06-22T12:33:00.006-05:00

It started off with a good protein packed bacon and eggs breakfast at 8am…made by me for a change! Nate got to "sleep in" and then venture off to a fishing spot with his dad and brother's. They spent the later morning there while Mika and I went for a lovely walk along the river…feeling a little awkward being alone but it was good.

After Mika's nap (and a little nap of our own) we took an extra long walk in Wolseley (a beautiful part of Winnipeg) and through a more rugged type park with winding creeks and hills and such. Lots of people were out on this beautiful day with what seemed like a host of dogs. Every sort was out. I even saw a lady with a stroller FOR HER DOG! That took me for surprise.

We ran into various folks we knew but mostly just enjoyed our very precious and limited time together. Mikayla had fun passing her food to us with her mouth! It was quite hilarious. She also tried really hard to walk up and down a hill but fell head first and cried.

Our hammock is finally out of storage and so yet another fabulous use of our porch gets exercised! The evening ended off with a bbq and dessert with Matt and Jac. That too was a treat as it seems this reno has taken every bit of our time.

Nathan brings out the fun, more crazy side in Mikayla. He's loud with her and rambunctious. She loves to run away from him and wait for him to catch her. She usually comes into bed with us in the morning but shortly after wants to run around but this Sunday she curled right up into Nate's arms and cuddled with him as if she knew it was a special day!

We can't wait till family time like this is a more regular occurance. Please pray that the reno job gets done quickly so it doesn't take over more of our precious summer!

Gardening and Life

2009-06-16T12:53:00.006-05:00

At long last we finally have our very "own" veggie garden! Last summer we were in St. Kits at this time so there was no opportunity to get involved with the community and dig in some dirt. This year it is very different. Mikayla is at the perfect age where everything is new and spectacular! She's walking around discovering everything! Of course that means barricades are being set up everywhere to keep her from stumbling down porch stairs, or wandering out into the street but there's also the many planter pots that are continually being refilled as she LOVES to get her hands dirty!

The story of the garden boxes is quite fantastic though. We realized that it was more than just Nate and I who wanted to grow something and reconnect with nature. I had been bugging and nagging Nathan to get rid of his ever growing pile of random collected wood so this was the perfect opportunity to do a bit more "scrounging" or "dumpster diving" and together with the kiwi boys build some awesome "reclaimed" garden boxes.

Next we were in need of some dirt. Of course we were prepared to go buy the stuff but really…it's dirt! Shouldn't it be free? Well, thanks to Karin and kijiji we found some free dirt and filled 7 boxes of it! As you can see we've started the growing season of peppers, tomatoes, cucs, carrots, peas, lettuces, wild flowers, strawberries and bunches of herbs. How exciting!

For me, it has been remarkable at how soothing and enjoyable gardening is. I've been reading a book called, "The healing garden" and finding that touching, smelling, tasting and seeing things GROW FROM THE GROUND has a strong effect on how I feel. Apparently the endorphin levels of gardening rate up there with jogging!

Just seeing the slow, steady change in something that is rooted and staying put is so meaningful to me. It helps me settle myself and come to peace with life. I've been outside a lot more than in these last two weeks and it has really helped the seeming unending slump I was in from the winter.

Nate and I have really enjoyed living here at the Ruth with our neighbours. The summer brings us all out onto the deck. Eating, drinking, reading, splashing in the tub of water (that would be Mikayla), talking about the day are all happening on a regular basis…outside…often with each other! We suddenly have this common space that gets used everyday and brings us together. I really feel like this is what people need and have appreciated over the centuries…a common place to meet and be together. Gardening is just an extension of that growing friendship!

and the great adventure in climbing…oh boy

digging in the dirt…we need to get her a real sand box asap!

Isaac playin' some tunes for Mika to dance to in the water!

my flower boxes

water time on porch!

yummi chives

Grandpa!

2009-06-02T20:16:00.005-05:00

Dad was here for a full week and left today. We had great weather (for Winnipeg) and got to have a lot of fun while getting some projects underway! Here's a few pics from the weekend…

We asked Dad to build a small pantry for our kitchen. It ended up being a beautiful piece of furniture! Mikayla was finding the power tools quite entertaining below the porch.

Can you see her head peaking through? Both Nate and Dad were working hard. This inspired our neighbours to also accomplish some tasks! Some were planting herbs, some were repairing an old pew to use as a seat on the deck, another was preparing a vermi-composter, while others were getting food prepared for our first collective BBQ to encourage this surge of spring energy!

We got our fresh air this weekend. We took Dad out to the Bison range at the Fort Whyte Centre. There were 7 little calves roaming the field! So cute! Mom and Clay joined us with lots of family stories and fun deciding who Mika looked like more!

The ride there…we woke her from her nap.

She still wants a hand to hold in unfamiliar places.
But she is just over the top to be walking with Grandpa!

The infamous "lunge" as Granpa calls it.

Doing steps…over and over again!

The final hutch. We used reclaimed pieces of wood for most of it so it will be painted yet. Isn't it cute?!

It was really sad to see Dad go. We are so blessed to have a great relationship and to share our life with him in so many ways. Thanks for coming out Dad! We love you:)

Introducing…the Great Outdoors!

2009-05-28T21:25:00.004-05:00

We are discovering that the porch is a wonderful outdoor world with lots of potential! Here we can pretend we're in Mexico and take a nap in Barb's hammock! Ahhh so relaxing…except for babies!

No matter how many times I told Mikayla to not touch my plants she would. I finally realized that she was craving dirt and had to have it! So here we are, getting our hands dirty and loving every minute of it!

As you can see Mika is not afraid of the dirt!

The lady in the front is an elderly Chinese lady who lives in a house alone. Her grass was getting so long that one of our neighbours offered to mow her lawn for her! It was such a beautiful picture for me to see!

This is my window assortment of seedlings. Most of them are herbs but I have a whole egg carton of tomatoes growing as well! I'm so excited to be in the garden. Even though we don't have a yard, we are being very resourceful and creative with containers, window boxes, and joining a community garden. Fresh vegetables for the first time in my adult life.

Playing at one of our parks and lovin' the sun!

My Baby Sister is Married!!!!

2009-05-16T10:56:00.003-05:00

ahhhhh

2009-04-29T12:33:00.002-05:00

We're in! I'm so relieved and thankful. We had lots of help with baby care and help painting and help moving....it was incredible how much support came around us.
Yesterday I felt like I was living a dream....
It was warm out so I did two loads of laundry and hung them out to dry! I know that sounds like work but really it was thrilling to save some money and enjoy the warmth on our own back porch!
I also started painting some furnilture and chatted with my neighbour... all very theraputic, relaxing things to do.
Mikayla slept a good 2hr nap and then we went out to the park behind our building and she boogied around on her little toddler bike loving it up.
The emotions of the day are overwhelming because of the amount of work there is to do but just the simple pleasures of life seem to be filling my heart with joy right now.

Here are a few other things that help me relax and handle life's stresses lately:

Planting seeds and gardening
Painting and sewing
Sleeping (obviously)
Hot baths
Wine (but sometimes I get depressed with it)
Taking pictures
Sitting in the sun or going for a walk
Being with friends and family
Eating good food with Nate
Laughing with my daughter
Dancing to good music

That's all I can think of right now.

Thanks for everyone's help and love through this transition. We're off to Ontario for a bit to celebrate Sue and Brent's gettin' married! Can't wait!
Mre

neighbours

2009-04-25T22:29:00.002-05:00

We're in the middle of moving this weekend but have finally finished all the painting. Phew!
What a week...

Just one little quick laugh to share though,

Our neighbours on the third floor from Africa were walking by and popped in to look at the newly painted three bedroom. The dad with his baby looked around and looked at us and said,

"So it will be the three of you living here?" with a confused look.
We smiled, knowing what he was thinking.
"So the baby will get one room and you two will get one room..." pause...silence....
"Well maybe another will be on the way!" laugh laugh

Oh the differences we North American's are used to. They have a few families live in one apartment and couldn't imagine what we would do with all this space!

So much to learn and laugh about!

thought...

2009-04-17T15:44:00.002-05:00

Sometimes what we think we need isn't actually what we need at all.

…thought I needed to be married for a while before even thinking of kids…but who would trade this little princess for more free time? Hey, I'm 30 now!

…thought I needed more space and more privacy…but I really needed neighbours I could walk to.

…thought I needed more money.…but really I needed love
I think a lot of things...thank God He knows better!

Spring is Peeping it's head into our home

2009-04-07T18:43:00.004-05:00

The melting is well underway…again. Basically we get to see the piles of garbage all over again! But we can also say good bye to our guest "snow" who stayed much too long than we had wanted.

I found some Spring cheer at a local antique dealer as a pre-birthday gift to myself! A long handwoven floor mat made from old polyester trousers! And some duck egg holders.

Mikayla slept extra long so that I could bake Easter bread today. This was a first without my mom and they turned out great!

It's often a trick to get some sewing done with baby at toe. Buttons have become a new form of fun distraction as they get hand picked out of the jar and displayed on the floor. Often though she has to show them to me first. Everything has to be given to Mommy!

This is us

This is crazy Daddy

and smiley baby!

Some Homeade Goodness

2009-03-31T18:59:00.005-05:00

This past winter has been a long and cold one. I feel pretty proud of myself to have made it through the cold months and not completely loose my mind! Living on the second floor of an apartment has not been easy but God has given us much grace.
After Christmas I discovered that sewing had become a new passion and was gifted with a new sewing machine to start working on! I have since been excited to pursue some creative projects in the little bits of time I get.
Here are two that have been occupying me, vintage fabric bags and a dress that I designed myself and realized it is very similar to sewing a purse without the bottom!

Nathan has also had a hankering for making stuff. Here's a sweet cedar box he made for my Epsom Salts! It's adorable and much appreciated!

Our apartment building seems to attract the creative types and here we have Uncle Isaac with Mika holding a wooden car Isaac carved for her birthday! How sweet:)

Even though the weather will be getting a lot nicer in the approaching days (right?) I know that the creative juices will not stop flowing! Perhaps they will venture out into the garden a bit more but we shall see what we discover with a toddler at toe.

Look Out!

2009-03-30T19:51:00.004-05:00

Charlies Angels here we come! The threesome in one sitting…long awaited!
Mikayla is 13 months, Nora is 1yr & Caitlin is 7 months.
Can we see any personality coming out here? I can already tell who's getting them into trouble!
Gotta love cousins:)

Where am I?

2009-03-25T08:52:00.004-05:00

This is us at the end of March! Aren't you jealous? Ha ha ha not. Can we say, "not impressed".

This is also us....in cute toddler land. Where balls are being chased, tantrums are getting more the norm, funny faces, sounds and falls happen on a regular basis as well. Really, there is no knowing what will come next and it can be truly exhausting but we are getting a sleep through the night!

Anyway, I'll be happy when we're far past this dreary March day eating ice-cream, jumping in the waves at the beach and enjoying warm weather!

THAW

2009-03-15T15:57:00.002-05:00

As the weather finally starts to warm up and the snow begins to melt away I am reminded about the sounds of Spring. It isn't a beautiful time of the year. Things are piled up inside and out. The accumulations of the hibernation season have all lost their luster and the discarded remnants are all too visible on the streets and back alleys. We don't enjoy the uncovering of hidden trash but the sounds are simply irresistible!

From dripping water out of eaves troughs, to children laughing and screaming in jubilation finally to be playing outside without frost bight! The wet streets sloshing under foot and tire. The dogs barking and the general buzz of the world opening their doors again.

If the body of the earth has a cycle of seasons would not our bodies as well?

When I look at my heart and wonder what season I am in, perhaps I can see it through the same lens of spring.

What tiny sounds are squeaking through the blur of noise? What new growth is pushing its way through the piles of rotten leaves in my spirit? Do the discards from seasons past add a wealth to the future? Are they the mulch that will nourish the new saplings in my life?

I am encouraged by nature that not all things need to be clean cut and understandable...if anything it is the opposite. There are no simple answers to life's hard questions. There is only "go" and "learn".

When nature dies and is covered by a cloud of white we see how it pushes through and searches for life in a deeper way. No longer are the fruits easy access. They are hidden and the stores that were built up over summer must now be the sustenance.

Do we as humans know the secrets of the earth? The rhythms and cycles that reflect our own life? Do we know the process of collecting and storing like the squirrels and bears do? Do we see the long winter hibernation as times of reflection and digging deeper into who we really are? Do we come out the other end stronger and able to endure bitter nights? Have we learned to let things go and die? To let the "deeper magic" guide us rather than the trinkets and trivial pursuits?

I feel like I am starting to see new growth pushing its way up out of the ground in my heart but it hurts and it doesn't come easily. It has been rummaging through the dirt and the piles of rubbish looking for a bit of light to grasp onto.

Sometimes I feel like this little wriggly plant has a mind of its own and it's going to grow dammit whether I like it or not!

God it hurts to be pulled out of the ground where it's safe and warm.

Maria

Birthday Time!

2009-02-23T15:00:00.003-06:00

Happy Birthday Mikayla!
We love you lots and lots! It has been a joy to celebrate this first year with you and welcome you into this world! We pray that you will grow strong and bold, have lots of fun and creative energy! We pray that compassion will fill your heart and joy will guide you into the fullness of who you are.
Love Mom and Dad
(p.s. if you also would like to add a prayer for Mika please do so in the comments and I will write them down for her. thanks:)

The Eleventh Month

2009-01-22T21:54:00.002-06:00

I decided to make a collage this month because there were too many neat pictures and memories to show off! I know, I have too much time to play around with pictures...but I can't help myself (and I do stay up too late). This month has been great. The winter blues never really hit us (yet) and so I'm thankful. Today was Mika's 11 months. I can't believe she is almost 1.

As you can see in the pictures, she is full of delight and wonder as she discovers her world and is now starting to crawl! Whether it's rocking horses, toys, or Daddy's Matte drink (what?), she is always ready to enter in.

I can't decide if she likes the sled or not but it is rather difficult to keep her wrapped up and warm in it. She still loves her potty and similar to her dad, could stay there for a long time!
We've had many dinners over at our neighbours and enjoyed the fun times as Mika has really opened up with them laughing and talking up a storm! We managed to fit her into the sink as she was playing with some tissue paper…what a laugh.

In and amongst the photos are some found treasures and creations of mine that represent a feeling of contentment for me. Home life has really settled down. I've been enjoying the cooking/baking aspects, though my sugar fast isn't doing the best. I've been loving collecting old fabrics, buttons and threads as I anticipate my new ventures in the sewing business.

Even with Nathan working a lot more on school and the reno job I feel a calmness to our life. We've really settled into parenthood though in my reading I hear that this is just the beginning of the waves yet to come.

One thing Nate and I are both learning is to mix into the crazyness of life, time for each other and for ourself. It's often difficult to remember that we need that but I think it will really help us through the more difficult times if we have a strength and a core to fall back on.

It's Official

2009-01-17T15:40:00.006-06:00

The little one is now mobile. Yes, we have a video to prove it! It happened without us really helping her…she just finally got it!
For the last week Mika has been loosing sleep over this. She's been scheming and planning and well, practicing in her crib to all hours of the night and day! We finally lowered the bed and were noticing her stronger abilities in the upper body getting more and more toned! But basically it all happened in two days. Yesterday she was sitting up from a lying down position and today she is crawling and quite proud of it!
Our freedom as parents (what little there was) is now over yet again! The curve of independence for children is one step forward, two steps backward (for parents). The child learns a new trick and the parent has to become ever more watchful, guarded and careful. Where once, they were comfortable with the routine and with the reaches of their children's arms, they are now unsettled and unsure of what disaster could lie ahead! Like this lovely mess!

But no, really we find her very amusing and entertaining. It's also our neighbours who will have to learn the harsh realities of a mobile baby and start hiding their precious books, lamps, espresso chocolates etc… Notice in this picture how much is still on the floor. Yep, that'll be changing! I also plan on getting rid of our "stimulator 3000." It's in the way and we have new toys to entertain, like this beautiful (15.00) rocking horse!

Here's a few expressions that capture the growing personality in our little Mikayla! What a funny girl she is:)

Happy Birthday Kaiya! We miss you and wish we could play with you at your first party! Have fun and eat lots of chocolate cake:)

Crawling begins from Maria Epp on Vimeo.

The things we do with our kids…

2009-01-10T11:09:00.006-06:00

Like make them get all dressed warm to go out into minus 30 degree weather so the parents can try their new sled out!

Like watch their daughter get to the point of the splits before falling on her bum because it's cute! Here she is just before falling…how cruel we are!

Like building a huge fort around their kid to see what they will do…apparently this one likes small spaces and finds it rather exciting to peek through tiny holes!

And again, some parents like this one enjoys gathering all the little toys and setting them up on the couch to see what the baby will do and sure enough, one by one they start their journey to the ground! I don't have a picture of them in a pile unfortunately.

When you have kids, life turns down a different road and when in the midst of it you think, "Wow, I don't have time for a thing!", stepping back you realize life has really slowed down. Taking walks and playing on the floor become regular habits. Cutting up little bits of food and waiting while your baby discovers each one and chews it over and over. Less and less gets done around the house but you are discovering a new layer of existence which is fresh and exhilarating. Everything around us, the sounds, the views, the people all become a place for discovery.

Life with a child is slow but so is the future in my opinion. Less and less of us will be able to afford the fast paces of our convenient world (as oil prices go up). And as much as it will be a huge adjustment, I think we will all enjoy life a lot more.

Nate and I have been talking and praying a lot about our future and what choices to make. We are really trying to envision what the world will be like in 5-10 years from now. It's difficult but we can't take all we have for granted. The world is changing and we want to be fully engaged in it. Please pray for wisdom for us in these decisions about work, school, where to live etc…

so much to say!

2008-12-30T11:27:00.005-06:00

I'm 10 Months and ready to party!

I managed to catch all 6 (sorry Caitlin, you were asleep and Eli is also somewhere else) in one picture opening gifts at Grandpa and GG's. What fun all that wrapping paper going crinkle crinkle and then into the garbage! Oh dear…perhaps we can find a new way of creating a surprise with less trees falling (I had to rant at some point!)

And hear we are filling every crevice of Mom's living room. The Epp's total a whopping 18 now!

Nathan made me a beautiful frame from old cedar wall boards from a reno he was doing. He also wants to build me some book shelves which I'm excited about! (pics to come)

This was my gift to Nate and I managed to keep it a secret! Which means I had to guess on the sizing but they fit great. It was my first attempt at working with leather, but thanks to Barb's constant encouragement and teaching I finished them in time! I guess you can't live in Winnipeg without a good pair of toasties, along with some nice warm rum and cider:)

Le Ruth Parté a la progressive! No, we are not french, but we do enjoy some good drinks and late nights chatting, playing music and games. It was our first "formal" Christmas shindig and one I hope will be repeated. We started at our place serving appetizers, then down to the Mortens for some lovely Strawberry Cake and then back up to Matt and Jac's for drinks at "the bar" served by Evs! It was a good time had by all:)

We've had a great holiday so far. There are more events to come into the New Year but for now I wish everyone a quiet rest as we approach the coming 2009. A time for reflection and pondering. It's often more difficult to look back then ahead I find. But memories and lessons learned should not be forgotten. We have all come so far. Let us share our stories and grow as a community and family. Love you all very much! The Epps

Let The Celebrations Continue!

2008-12-21T21:57:00.008-06:00

This Christmas has been graciously extended for us this year. We started our celebrations on the 4th when Mikayla and I flew home to Ontario for 12 days. We missed Nathan a lot and probably wouldn't go for that length again but how were we to know that she would start teething on our trip!

Preparations for Christmas started much earlier this year as my family decided to have a hand-made Christmas. I got in the spirit of creativity and found some lovely fabrics to sew handbags with. I figured out my own pattern and started sewing. It was addictive to be honest and so I am extremely grateful for the gift of my very own sewing machine!

Our family is quite creative so we were excited to share our new abilities as Rose taught us how to needle felt (a very ancient craft) and Sue awed us with her crocheted slipper boots. Mom quilted us Christmas table clothes and Grandma knitted beautiful pink hats and jackets for the new great grand babies! We are indeed a wealthy family in terms of creative juices!

We also enjoyed two whole days of baking up a storm. I have never seen so much flour and sugar and dough being rolled out! We had four generations of women in one room learning the art of meat bun making! What a joy!

But I must say the highlight of the entire trip home was at the very end, seeing my baby sister come running in the front door at 9pm saying, "I'm Engaged!" We all knew it was coming but to actually be there and enjoy the glow on her face and see the beam on Brent's was magical! I know I will miss being part of all the preparations but all the more reason to make another trip home!

And so the celebrations continue into this coming week as I spend Christmas with the Epp family for the first time! The Epp's are a lot larger in number with 8 grandchildren (3 this year). Mikayla already has two younger cousins but they will all be experiencing their first lights on the Christmas tree, songs about Jesus, wrapping paper being torn, children running around with laughter, rich smells of turkey and the "Merry Christmas Spirit" as we heard about this morning at church.

Here are a few pics from the holiday in St. Catharines and our own Christmas preparations!

Showing off Grandma's knitted gifts on the wondrous Mikayla and Madison

The four generation Christmas baking extravaganza!

Mika and Kaiya and the mom's experiencing Christmas for the first time!

Brent is secretly planning his engagement here…welcome to the family Brent!

sigh…sitting on Grandpa's lap at last

Our little beauty sitting by our table Christmas Tree!

ready to pull it down

baby's first decoration…of course a bird of some sort!

our trip to Shelmerdine's…and the interesting places we shall eat!

God's fantastic creative genius and man's glass houses to grow them…what a boost of oxygen!

loving the view!

Bubbly Baby

2008-11-23T19:35:00.005-06:00

the latest thrift shop find… don't worry Grandma, my ears are warm! And Karin's lovely Christmas cactus in full bloom.

We just can't cut it. Her hair has so much laughable character!
The discovery of feeding ourself…ahh, the never ending sweeping and washing of bibs!

our bright, bubbly baby who always has smiles for us!

An interesting alternative to the two wheeler. I asked the guy to stop so I could take a picture! Our little darling actually fell asleep on her own, playing in her bed today, sleeping the wrong way of course! So cute:)

Looking back over this month I feel like so much has happened and yet it has gone by so quick.

Mikayla is much more of her own person these days. She eats constantly it seems, and loves everything we give her (including hummus!). In the last week her frustration is evident as she sits on the floor wanting something she can't reach but doesn't know quite know how to get it. We've been spending a lot more time with her helping her along and she is finally getting it! She now leans forward on her hands and pulls her body up to reach! It's so much fun. She gets more confident every day!

She is also learning to speak her own mind…throwing little fits when she doesn't want to be changed or peed or wants to eat by herself…she's becoming quite the independent one!

We will be flying to Ontario in two weeks and can't wait. It will be interesting to see her reaction to my family…whether she will play shy or not. She is still a fussy sleeper and tends to wake up 2 or 3 times a night.

I've been overworking my back these last few days which means I have a lot of pain. Please pray for me to get enough rest and heal up for the coming holidays and activity!

Happy 9 Months Mika:)

Living in Community…

2008-11-19T09:50:00.005-06:00

Living here on Maryland has been incredible. We've had many ups and downs but as the cold weather approaches and many of us are gearing up for the long indoor life we are becoming happier than ever.

Having a community to share life with cannot be bought and though we would love more space, more "independence", we wouldn't.

Taking Mika down to do the laundry and meeting other little kids along the way or running into a neighbour who wants us to come play her piano is just so great. Learning to take care of property that isn't our own, but making it our own…like sweeping the floors, scraping the ice on the stair way… The simple challenges of making room for our growing collection of toys, my crafts, nate's school books, hanging laundry and the pile of dishes that NEVER disappears is only a small part. Getting used to crying kids downstairs every morning. Finding ways to connect with neighbours who don't speak our language (that's a tough one). Sharing a parking lot and not always having a space. Sharing the garbage and recylcing and then have it stolen. The idea of "ours" rather than "my own" is a concept we are all learning the joys and sorrows of and we still have a long way to go.

Here are some enjoyable little moments with Mikayla as she enjoys her water bottle. I wish I could escape the plastic phenomenon but I just can't. Everything is made of it and she loves it! And so I pray that she doesn't die of some horrible plastic-chemically induced disease!

Winter Wonderland!

2008-11-07T15:42:00.004-06:00

I couldn't resist. It poured snow all last night and all day today! So of course I had to introduce Mikayla to the white fluffy stuff. What I didn't anticipate was the stickiness of it all on the tires of her lovely stroller! We made it to the 7-11 (a few houses down) and then stopped for a few pics and promptly headed home. I thought I could make it to the Library but there wasn't a chance! Sled's here we come! Hip Hip Horray! I still need to find a way to keep her little cheeks nice and cosey though. Sue, perhaps the scarf will need to be widened!

Things that Amuse

2008-11-06T09:38:00.002-06:00

I was talking to dad briefly the other day and he said something like, "Does she make you smile?". I just laughed. Everyday, no matter how grumpy I may get, she has a way of making me and Nate laugh. She is a goof. Kids, as much work as they are, simply bring joy into the home. It's great!
So, here she is stylin' her curls (which appear when her hair is wet).

And then there are the toys that aren't really toys. I often ask our Grandparents, "So what did your kids play with?" and they always say they didn't have any toys like we have! I must say, Mikayla much prefers a metal sieve, a plastic clothes hanger and other shiny, useful things. She gets rather bored quickly with her other baby toys!

Crickets?

2008-11-02T15:56:00.001-06:00

I just had to quote this as I found it quite amusing!

The Final Word, Crickets...

I know, I know. That's disgusting! But they are the most efficient source of protein you can grow, and they are easy to do. And if you know how to cook them right, you won't even know you're eating bugs. You feed the crickets dandelions and turnip greens (both available in your garden), and they can be kept in any escape-proof container with an aluminum screened lid. A big plastic tupperware container with the center of the lid cut out and replaced with glued-in screening works well. An aquarium also works well for this. They need to be kept warm (75 degrees) with a light bulb or near another heat source if necessary, and the container needs to be kept clean once a week. Place shallow dishes for food and a shallow dish with a wet sponge for water. They also need places to hide and climb: sticks, toilet paper tubes, egg crates etc. To raise more crickets, set up a separate container for breeding. Place a shallow container with damp vermiculite in it (keep it moist). Put in 12 females and 6 males, and pretty soon they will lay eggs. Remove the crickets and keep the eggs moist and warm. In about 1-2 weeks you'll have baby crickets. Keep them separated or the big ones will eat the little ones.

Then you need to slow down the crickets, because they need to be cooked alive. First you'll want to wash them, which you can do by putting them into a colander with a screen on top and swishing them under the tap. Pop them into the fridge until you are ready to roast them. Preheat the oven to 200 degrees, and spread them on a cookie sheet and bake for an hour or more until completely dry. Test by crushing with your finger. Don't let them burn, but they must be absolutely dry. You can then use them dried to replace nuts in recipes, or you can grind them into a flour.

So this post took me a good couple of hours, but it's probably the most sustainable and self-reliant garden that I can think of. :)

(to read more see: finallylivingdeliberately.blogspot.com )

boo! it's halloween

2008-10-31T21:06:00.008-05:00

We didn't really plan a whole lot for Halloween this year but we did have fun playing with Mikayla's tutu and watching our friends get all decked out for the night out!

our little albino lion!

fun fun fun!

long eared puppy dog?

Scary Tooth-fairy & Dentist
aka Barb & Isaac

Wayne & Garth
aka Jaclyn & Matt

Funny Mika is 8 Months Today!

2008-10-22T09:50:00.012-05:00

I can't believe how time flies. Life with children is full, rich, exhausting, curious and life-giving. I think I would characterize this month as one of steady growth…in appetite! She seems to have decided that night-time is a time to eat again. After hearing from several other mom's I now see I am not alone and this is a common trend for most babies. She eats just about anything I give her in solid form which is great.

Something that other mom's may not have experienced though is a baby who hasn't pooped in her diaper for 2 months now! She is so obvious in her need to "go" that we take her to the potty every time and she loves it! It's been pretty pain free so far!

She isn't crawling yet but has been making a lot more effort in getting to her toys (which we now keep further from her reach). I have no idea if she is teething but would "fussy baby" all day count? It can be pretty annoying but I try to keep her distracted from whatever is bothering her!

Her favourite sound is "da da" now. She rarely says ma ma anymore. We've started some signing with her like waving our hands when her food is all gone.

We haven't been to church very much as I really don't want her to miss her morning nap. That is something I could get advice on as I don't really like missing. Perhaps Nate and I will take turns.

Having a one floor apartment has proved difficult when having house group or other people over. She tends to wake up but we've concluded that that is just part of the reality we're in and if she wants some awake time well, hopefully she will make up for it another time.

I'm really learning a lot about natural cleaning and trying to eliminate all "toxic" products from our house. Partly because I don't want her smelling them but also because we simply don't have to use them. They pollute the water, the chemicals damage our system and there are a lot cheaper ways to clean! It's a slow journey but I'm enjoying the discovery process. The herbs and resources the earth has for us are far reaching and they don't hurt anyone!

We love our funny baby. She keeps us laughing even when we're tired. Her curiosity about her world reminds me that to be childlike is best.

Auntie Suza!

2008-10-18T10:00:00.006-05:00

We had a fantastic Thanksgiving weekend this year. All because we got to share it with Auntie Sue! It was a four day flurry of pumpkins, tomatoes, gardens and marshes, crazy Epp family, interesting Ruth Group discussions, fun Wolseley shops and very peculiar leather people who sell art supplies from Thunder Bay! We enjoyed baking together and putting little Mika on the toilet (her favourite spot now). We dressed her up in all kinds of fun outfits and took a crazy amount of pictures!
It was simply wonderful to share little Mikayla with others the whole weekend because she just needs to be shared! There is too much goodness in her to keep to ourself. I will miss you Sue and the joy you brought to our home. Hopefully next time we can have a place for you to sleep other than between our two couches on the floor where we had to step over you a couple times throughout the night to get Mika! Ha ha ha, gotta love small apartments.

Thanks for sharing our life with us for a few days. It was a blast!

Grandpa's Lion

2008-10-05T15:56:00.005-05:00

Thanks Grandpa Klassen for my little lion which reminds me of Jesse. I love to wrestle him on the couch!

Like little Children

2008-09-27T19:57:00.005-05:00

Grandma Enns

Grandma Penner

Oma Epp

In our Native Cultures, the young and the old were traditionally seen as the most special people because they were the closest to Creator.

There is something incredibly special and unique and similar about these two groups of people. It's sad how often they get dismissed, ignored and left to the sidelines simply because they can't contribute to our society in the same way middle ages can.

In so many aspects of life, I look back to the way things used to be and long for those times where communities were made up of every generation and they lived in close-knit homes. Whether they were tribes or farming communities…there was a much more decent, integrated way of life than we chose to have here, now. Schools were smaller and so the older kids would help teach the younger ones. Responsibility was given to a much younger age and this phenomenon of "who am I?" wasn't so prevalent. Your community built identity into you.

There is a 90 year gap between Oma Penner and Mikayla. How amazing. We recorded them playing nursery rhymes together. Oma still remembered them! More and more I am cherishing the stories and the wisdom of our elderly.

A few nights ago I had a dream where my Grandma Klassen visited me. She has passed away so this was quite significant to me. In the dream she was younger and had dark black hair with radiant eyes. I had left Mika alone for a moment and came back to see her sitting on Grandma's lap. Grandma had a strength and confidence about her that I only caught glimpses of while she was here.

Thank you God for a lineage of loving Grandparents. We are blessed to know them and I pray that we would learn to respect and acknowledge them more and more. That we would become like little children once again, and see the wonder in their eyes. To have an open spirit and accepting heart.
Amen

7 Month Photo Shoot!

2008-09-19T14:17:00.006-05:00

These are some of the best ones. I love her expressions. I actually see a lot of me in her now.
She's 15.5 pounds and 26" long. Energetic as ever. Grabbing for everything. We are starting to think crawling thoughts and wondering where we're going to hide all the ground level stuff that could get her into trouble. If storage wasn't difficult before, it sure is now (what with a student wanting to share our space as well!).

I feel energetically entrepreneurial and granola today…

2008-09-13T14:19:00.004-05:00

Sometimes I feel a little manic and it isn't coffee induced. I get this surge or ideas and energy. I guess it's normal. But for me it comes and if I don't write it down or say what I'm thinking it will be gone in a split second. It happens more in the "ideas" realm as well as "musical" (when I was playing piano).
So here goes…

Projects I Would Love to Accomplish &
Dreams I Could See Happening by Me or Someone Else:

1. Starting an Arts Retreat (Renewal) Centre (this one has been lifelong)

I see this as a multi-arts fascility where music, visual art, media, language, drama, dance etc…are all taught, expressed and theraputically shared. It would be a place of retreat in the heart of the city. It would be accesible to anyone at anytime of the day. Workshops, classes, therapy sessions and free studio space and materials would be available as well as paid classes. This already exists in some forms but I would like to see the healing/rehabilitative side of the arts focused on more fully here. Ages? Supplies? Many questions as to the logistics of this but it is possible.

2. Starting a Creative Recycling Plant

I see this looking like a drop-off point where people bring everything they don't want. It would be sorted and then re-used creatively. Glass jars melted down or reused as garden jars or donated to a "Canning Centre" where fresh, local fruits and veggies were saved for the long winter (in mass) and given/sold to the public…basically doing the old thing in a new way. Or clothes were sorted, re-furbished and sold, shipped/given to the poor, or cut up and used as rags. Wood (which we often find in the dumpster) would be burned or built with. Magnets, technological junk, batteries etc…could also be dropped off here. This would be a mega centre for junk and people would volunteer a few hours (or more) a week in the exchange for things they wanted. Perhaps this could be called "The Exchange". Seriously there are so many things that we throw away that could be used and saved.
Something I discovered is that "mega" or "bigbox" has it's purpose (especially for mom's). Having one spot where everything is accesible is genious and it works. Now we just need to make it so that it is supportive to our environment rather than detrimental!

3. Write a Children's Book and Illustrate it

4. Go to a traumatized area of the world and help children express their feelings through art.

5. Live in the North End

6. Live in Community and help design/build an Off-The-Grid, Family-Friendly Housing Complex with shared garden/yard space!

7. Learn a million art forms

Book binding, leather mocassin making, beading, print making, metal-smithing, stainglass, painting, stretching canvas, caligraphy, woodcutting, sewing, embroidery, graffiti art (on my car in particular), just to name a few!

8. Learn how to make shampoo, soap, cleaning products (I know it's easy), candles, and other user-friendly things in life that may not exist in the next generation.

9. Learn how to compost efficiently and garden well.

10. Become an urban-farmer with my husband (or move to the country and try)
(am I sounding like I should join a commune of some sort here?)

Dreams take time. Learning a new skill takes a lifetime. Dedication and hard work. Making the time. Making the money. Trusting God. Living somewhere and being happy in whatever circumstance we happen to be in even if it isn't a dream. These are all part of life. I am hopeful.

endless opportunities await!

We're Home!

2008-09-04T14:57:00.002-05:00

I have a lot to write about and yet I feel like I have no time to do it! I often wish I could press the "hold" or "pause" button on life so that I can reflect, journal and organize what the heck just happened! No such luck. So, we do the best we can and live in the moment like our kids do! It's probably more fun that way in the long run, though, I do love my new camera!

The trip to Winnipeg. Well it was better and worse than our travels to Ontario. We got to our destination in shorter times. But…we had to suffer in 40 degree weather to get there. Traveling west, with the sun in our eyes was not the most fun I can imagine. I had a wet wash cloth on my head the whole time and wondered if perhaps I can handle cold better than heat!

Baby girl did wonderfully with her toys and new sounds. She was happy and content for most of the way. I spent a lot of time twisted around to talk and play with her from the front seat which is when I decided that they need to invent cars with swivel chairs in the passenger front. After thinking it through though we realized that the driver would no longer be able to see out the side window…though that's not that bad.

Anyway, we arrived to a wet Winnipeg with a major drop in temperature. It felt like winter here and I wondered what we were doing! The prairies still have there natural beauty and we are excited to see where the fall takes us with school, city/community living, tight budgeting and planning for our future.

I am getting used to the loud noises, the dirty streets and small living quarters. I am also enjoying the fact that I'm usually the only Caucasian at our grocery store, that we have people we know surrounding us and that we can cook in our own kitchen again! Mikayla seems to be loving her bed as she hasn't made a peep or cry for the last three nights putting her down at 8pm! Very strange and wonderful things DO happen to young parents these days!

Here are her first "words"!

Jehovah Witness comes for a visit

2008-08-19T12:30:00.003-05:00

There was a knock on the door. It was a woman with a pamphlet and a Bible. I knew she was a Jehovah's Witness but was interested in the title, "Global Warming! Is Planet Earth in Peril?"
She didn't stick around long. All she wanted to say was that Global Warming is on the minds and hearts of a lot of people these days and that God was not leaving us alone. She quoted this one scripture,

humans "will not do any harm or cause any ruin" to the earth because it will be "filled with the knowledge of Jehovah as the waters are covering the very sea." (Is. 11:9)

Notice the quotation marks. The actual text reads,

9They will ^(C)not hurt or destroy in all My holy mountain,
For the ^(D)earth will be full of the knowledge of the LORD
As the waters cover the sea.

These people of faith are trying to communicate to their neighbours that they are aware of the devestation happening around them, (the pamphlet has a lot of interesting facts) and are hoping in God to come and help us. She said,

"He will not let us destroy the earth. We just need to wait"

I said that I believe God lives in us and that the earth will fall apart if we do not do something.

So the question remains. Is this problem a scientific problem or a spiritual problem? If we as humans are sinful and destroy ourselves and our earth, is there hope for redemption on our own? Can we fix it or are we in desperate need of help?

As I have been reading different environmental discussions I am seeing that it is both. The root of the matter points to our need for love. Without love we can not heal or regenerate. Without love we can not take care of each other. But, what if we have love and are still neglectful or misinformed? Is instruction and scientific guidance not a huge part in learning to be good stewards?

I have a newborn baby (almost 6 months old now). She is a work of art, created by God and wholly other and bewildering to me. She fills me with great joy but she is a mystery to which I am in need of great support in order to raise her in a healthy, loving way. I tend to lean toward the reading of books and asking for advice or looking at others as examples around me.

I am far from perfect. I know that she will be damaged when she grows up just as I am. God knows this too. And yet He entrusts her to me. It's absurd yet He does it. He's not going to come down and raise her for me. Nor is He going to come and clean up the earth miraculously.

I believe we are co-creators with our God. We can not do the miraculous. We can not heal our children or our earth. Only God can. But we are His arms and feet. We are the only ones who can touch each other and the earth and fill it with the love it needs.

Thanks lady, for stopping by to share this good news with me.

CAR-FREE CITIES…what a dream

2008-08-11T09:19:00.002-05:00

I just watched this little video of downtown New York and saw how ideal and well suited cities are for pedestrians…people. I agree with the folks in this snapshot. Why can't we get places, loose weight and not live in fear of our lives? Novel idea!

July

2008-07-30T11:08:00.005-05:00

Well, it's been an amazing summer so far. We have a bazillion pictures. Way too many to post. So I will simply have to make an old fashioned photo album…and she's only 5 months! Wait till she can walk!

Nathan has been framing all month. He's pretty much turned into a black man and has many scrapes and scratches already. I won't say what kind of danger he has enjoyed! He comes home late everyday (which is normal for the rest of the world, 5:30) and is pretty exhausted. Somehow we manage to find the energy to go places, do stuff, be with lots and lots of people all the time! We are really soaking it all in before going home. We have one month left and it will be jam packed too.

We're going camping this coming weekend, we'll be visiting Toronto, Kitchener again, the pool several times and friends who we haven't seen yet.

Mikayla is growing in leaps and bounds. She's hit many milestones it seems in the last month which have been exciting. She's sitting mostly on her own, grabbing and holding things, eating from a spoon (and then sleeping through the night!) recognizing her name…mostly, pulling dad's hair, screaming louder, flapping her "wings", going underwater (not quite enjoying that one), and many many more little discoveries.

Nathan and I and our family are thouroughly enjoying this stage of her life. It's really incredible being parents. We're still adjusting…A LOT but we love it.

at Port Dalhousie pier

Change is Good

2008-07-04T15:41:00.004-05:00

So we are finally here. Our long awaited destination of "home". I have two of them. It's like having two families. They bring different things out of me.

When I'm here in St. Catharines, the "inner city" side of me takes a rest. I'm quite happy to lay on the grass with Mika, take long walks in the garden, make jam from fresh strawberries and soak up the sun. I can't get enough. It's everything I hoped and better.

When I'm in Winnipeg I love the closeness of everything. A 10 minute walk downtown, 5 minutes to groceries, 2 minutes from 7-11 etc…etc…I love the community we live in and the fact that we can spontaneously have dinner with our neighbours.

But here on Beaverdams Island we can have community as well. We have eaten with our family the last week and I went grocery shopping with my mom. Sue asked if I needed anything from the store before she went out! Taking walks is such a social affair as my mom knows everyone around us. I think we all learn to think bigger than our own needs this summer.

The thing I like about leaving a place of "comfortability" is that it stretches you to really put into practice what you have grown to think as important.
Some things we value are already in place here, like composting and recycling. Ontario's government pays for that. Gardening is also a huge value and my mom has fresh herbs and some veggies mixed in her flowers. It's wonderful. I will miss the community garden though on McGee.
The market…buying local. That is a lot easier to do here. There are so many farmers close to the city. Perhaps I'm just not as tuned in to the resources in Winnipeg.
Cooking, canning, freezing…learning to make things from scratch and preserving the freshness through the year rather than paying someone else to do it and ship it across the world! That's a growing value that takes A LOT of work. It will take a long time to develop but we're starting.
Driving less. I know I made a big deal about not having a car. And we still really value the closeness in the city. Here, driving is more necessary (unless you're Kathy and Jeff's neighbours who live and work downtown). So we try to carpool and buy less. That's another one which really shouldn't be too difficult since money is being saved for school.

We are also seeing the huge value of hospitality. We have experienced it a lot in Winnipeg and continue to here. We are still learning what that looks like for us as a family. It's unique for everyone. I know it always takes some sacrifice in some way which is where the joy comes in.
I don't think it has very many restrictions. Even if you have a small space you can always find a way to share it. We want to grow in that.

All these things aren't easy and definately need accountability. I'm hoping for that this summer!

There are a lot more…quality time with people (especially Nate)…spiritual health (which for us means joining a Christian community as often as possible)…physical health (going to an osteopath when your body isn't working anymore or working in construction to get a strong body)…emotional health (getting counselling when needed)…wholistic living which means less consumption and remembering the earth.

I like reflecting on these things when looking into the future with our baby. What do we want to be as a parents? Can we keep our ideals with a child+? Where do we need to have more grace? Where do we need to step up the discipline?

All good questions. I'd love to here where others are at on all this!

Here we come St. Catharines!

2008-06-18T11:36:00.005-05:00

Life has been good these past few weeks. Summer is upon us and Mikayla is now 4 months old! Having her in February was perfect because now that we are pretty comfortable and have a groove so we can explore the big world…out there!

Winnipeg has been treating us good. We've had lots of fun with our neighbours eating yummi food and enjoying community life. We've also had lots of family events including a lovely dip in Nancy and Matt's new hot tub, Mikayla's baby dedication, Mom's engagement, an Epp extended family photo shoot, and many other little get-togethers. We will miss the camping extravaganza but I guess you can't have it all.

Our adventures of exploration are taking us back to hot, sticky, QUIET Beaverdams Island (aka St. Catharines). More than anything right now we are looking forward to some good quiet sleep away from city life. It's been very adventurous here in that regard. Apartment living has many good things, and many bad. I'm sure many can identify! Thankfully our screaming neighbours (for 5 hrs at night) have been evicted. It took long enough. It was becoming a very unsafe place for the families here. Broken glass, cursing at all hours, drugs and alcohol and finally the police. Of course we knew it would be a challenging place to live but when sleep is so precious and someone else decides we don't need it, I get angry! It's sometimes scary what passes through your mind at 4 in the morning!

So, apart from that ordeal, we are busy getting ready for the long road with baby in hand. We have no idea what to expect from her or our car for that matter. It's a 19yr old Honda which we've been car sharing up till now. We took the car mainly for this trip so we pray to God that it gets us there…and back.

I can't wait to sit by Aunt Rita's pool, to enjoy walks with Kath, to make jam with mom and hang out the laundry on her wonderful line. To have bon fires and go camping with the fam. To hit a few good garage sales and try not to buy too much because we have NO ROOM IN OUR CAR MOM!

We are spoiled to have two homes and thankful for the blessing of both.

See you all in one week! (We hope to arrive next Monday)

The Many Faces of Mikayla

2008-06-10T21:33:00.007-05:00

The focused learner

The big fat lip (a definite Rosileeism)

The stretch after a good nap, trying not to cry because she's hungry!

The cry that says, I'm either still hungry or I really hate burping

The little student with daddy!

The elusive smile that's so hard to capture!

Blowing bubbles is fun!

Look at me!

p.s. if you would like larger pics i can email them. i'll upload larger ones next time.

WE MADE IT TO THREE MONTHS!

2008-05-24T21:39:00.008-05:00

we enjoyed our little porch this evening:)

she looks blond here but she really isn't

It's certainly been an adventure with this little rascal. She's kept us on our toes the whole time. But we made it to what I see is a milestone. Three months. The fourth trimester is now complete! Of course there will be many more trying times but things have really eased up. We're all getting more sleep these days and the smiles are definitely multiplying. Everyday is something new as she continues to explore herself and her world. Her big blue eyes are what people notice most as they stare so intently and leap with delight when someone gives her attention. We have really seen her personality unfold as she is getting older and we laugh as we realize how much she loves people. I guess she will fit right in with the loud Epps.

She has started using her jolly jumper and finds it very fascinating. I'm a little taken back though to see her suspended and alone. I feel like it is such an independent step that I'm not quite sure I'm ready for yet! She's learning to laugh a lot more and of course is always practicing new sounds with her voice. She's taken to loud groans when she burps and poops at the same time. Fairly regular now. She has very strong (and long) legs and loves to be up looking around.

We are traveling home to St. Catharines in 5 weeks and can hardly wait. She will be spoiled so much with attention that she won't want to come home! She will be 6 months by the time we leave which will be incredible. So much happens in this first year and we are really enjoying every step of it!

Our First Year (reader discretion advised)

2008-05-20T15:26:00.006-05:00

It's hard to believe we've been married one year. Feels like we've done more in one year than many do in ten! Well, in some areas. It's difficult to summarize. So much happened. So much didn't!

We started out with very high ideals…practice safe sex…a lot. It didn't so much go as planned. The safe part we got… We both started out as virgins and kept track of my cycle… and then came Mikayla. I think the whole honeymoon year deserves an extension!

Now that little Mikayla is here with us to stay, we are learning the art of safer sex. Yes. I am going on the pill. It's sad to admit but we aren't prepared for more reality quite yet. We'd like to have some fun in between kids (and the sheets)! And no, I haven't had a glass of wine today…yet.

When you become a parent and you still want to love your husband things get tricky.

More planning is involved (babysitter). More impromptu is also involved (look honey, she's asleep!). Candles and silk are very rare (though having mother's day close to your anniversary is nice for the flowers!).

Sometimes comfort and plenty of time is just not an option…most of the time actually. So resorting to other rooms may be your best bet. You could call it "snacking".

Night time sex means loosing sleep. But…when you're tired sometimes it's more fun. Daytime works when you're okay with dishes, dust, laundry and emails piling up (that's a hard one for the ladies).

Conflict is your best friend. It makes room for makeup sex.

Prayer is also a good thing. They say that people who pray together have more and better sex.

I must say that even though the romantic side of love may lessen, the love gets deeper and richer and much much better. We value our time together so much more now. We appreciate the little things that we do for each other. Like cook a meal or do the laundry. We look forward to any bit of time alone and miss each other a lot more. It makes the heart grow fonder!

So even though our first year didn't go as planned I think we got the better deal (see previous posts for results!)

I LOVE YOU NATHAN!

Mom's Day

2008-05-12T12:22:00.007-05:00

I enjoyed holding Mika for 2 hours as she slept peacefully outside covered by lots of blankets and surrounded by lots of loud Epps and the smoky fire:) Awe fire.

She's a little character. Of course we had to try the outdoor pee for the first time! There will be plenty more times like these this summer camping:) She'll be a true hippie baby!

I had a good Mother's Day. My first. I stayed home from church because Nate was doing sound and wouldn't be around to help me with her (I'm still new at all this). I was also feeling sick (still am) but staying home didn't get me any rest. We've both been lacking in that area for the past two weeks. Anyway, I sat with Mika as she slept and listened to some good old Kevin Prosch. I really felt God's presence with me though. We had thought of dedicating Mikayla on Mother's Day but didn't book it in advance at the church. So as I remembered that, I felt God saying to me, "Maria, today I am dedicating you as a mother." That was huge. I felt like Jesus was holding me and handing me over to God (Himself). It was very reassuring to feel that I am taken care of by Him. I know that if I had gone to church I would've enjoyed the message but probably wouldn't have been so emotionally free to come close to Jesus like that.

When we are weak we are strong.

Nathan got me some flowers and lavished me with affectionate words which were lovely. After finally getting Mikayla to stay asleep for longer than 45 minutes we had to leave for our wiener roast over an open fire with the family. It worked out good though. She was happy with Grandma for a while and slept with me for a good stretch…after we figured out that the cold medication I was taking isn't so good for babies! Poor thing. We're still learning so much!

Grandma Epp enjoying time with her grandaugher!

Life changes

2008-05-05T22:28:00.006-05:00

Never thought parenthood could be so wonderful and so difficult all at the same time. It's such a paradox of experience. One moment I want to scream and cry with frustration, and only a few moments later I am overwhelmed by how much I love her and think how cute she is. Emotions are all over the place these days.

She just got her first immunization shots last week. It was way more traumatic then I ever imagined. She was out of sorts for 4 days and that put Nathan and I on the edge. We survived but we are ever thankful for the more sleepy Mikayla that we are now getting back who lets us get a longer stretch at night again.

She's still a handful and I expect she will remain so in the future. She's a ball of energy this one. Always moving. Today we discovered that she can push herself from one end of the change table to the other! She's quite the fiesty one.

It is really adorable though to see how talkative she has become. We had our new neighbours, Matt and Jaclyn over for dinner yesterday and lay her down on the floor in the middle between everyone. She just lay there and jabbered the whole time thinking she was just part of the conversation. It was quite amusing!

I'm still finding it a HUGE adjustment as is Nathan. The life we had is no longer in existence. But we know that if we don't continue spending time with other people we will go crazy. We would rather not have the dishes done or bathroom clean if it means we could have some interaction time with other friends. Having community is so life giving. I could write more on this topic but it's getting late.

To be continued…

HAPPY 2 MONTH!

2008-04-22T21:12:00.007-05:00

Little Mika River is getting sweeter by the minute. She has been on a visiting expedition this past weekend and loves every minute of it. She's getting much more used to the various slings and wraps we have as her awake/play time is much more interactive and curious. She loves her daddy time listening to him sing to her on the guitar while she catches a few sun rays. She had her first date with Dad yesterday while I went out for coffee with some friends.
It was wonderful.

Living here at "the Ruth" is quite a unique experience. We know 5 other people in the building and two more are moving here at the end of the month. It's such a little community though we're the only ones with a child. I love living close to people I know. It makes so much more sense than to be all spread out. Life is not meant to be lived alone. Especially when raising children!

If we ever buy a house we really do hope to know our neighbours and community. We are so thankful for this time in our life.

Growing!

2008-04-17T14:31:00.003-05:00

I know…she's too cute for words. We get the beautiful sunset everyday and she just looks even more "oh la la" in such soft tones! No, I'm not a photographer but I am definitely my mother's daughter…loves to take pictures.

Mikayla is 8 weeks tomorrow. That's crazy. She's definitely been going through a growth spurt as she wants to eat all the time and doesn't like to sleep at night any more! Strange. At first we thought she had stomach issues but then realized she's just growing.

Needless to say the parents are much less energetic.

I took her to see Nate's million co-workers today at the high school. They went fanatic on her. Basically he knows the whole school and so we got a plethora of advice and comments.
"Ahhh isn't she cute", "Oh she's so big!" or "She's so tiny!" Nate was a pretty proud dad!

Anyway, I'm discovering the joy of the great outdoors more now and am feeling my confidence levels rise as I handle her on my own. It's an amazing journey…growing up.

Adventures with Mikayla

2008-04-14T10:31:00.010-05:00

Meeting Kaiya for the first time!

Oma Mika and Baby Mika

Look Mum, I'm flying!

Proud Uncle Nate and Auntie Rose who also heart NY

I am the cutest baby alive! My mum said so!

Relaxing back at home. Ahhhhh, rest:)

Back in Daddy's arms at last! Phew! That was a long trip:)

So Mika and I travelled to a far away place called St. Catharines last weekend!
It was quite the adventure where she met some wonderful people who oooed and awed over her constantly! She was a little celebrity among the Klassen/Enns familia. It was wonderful.

She was a real trooper…flying in an airplane, going to a huge birthday party for Opa Enns, taking a bath in a sink with a million hands trying to help out, visiting church and being held by lots of loving ladies, sleeping in Grandpa's room for two nights, taking a walk with Nate and Rose and not liking it too much, being babysat for the first time other than her Dad, hanging out with her newest friend Kaiya and meeting lots and lots of new people.

What an adventure!

We missed Nate lots and were glad to be home. Mika was so happy that she slept 9 hours straight the first night. Not any more. She's back to her mid-night snack.

She's almost 2 months and is growing so fast. I'm trying to soak it all in. Sometimes I just cry looking at her and how precious she is.

Her First Smile!

2008-03-26T17:01:00.005-05:00

So Mikayla is practicing her smile as you can see! She hasn't started smiling "at" us yet, but just during random moments. It's very cute.

Her fussy time is in the evening and I think it's my fussy time as well! It seems my body's aches and pains get heightened at this point in the day.
Time for a bath.

Today was a great sleep day. I think she is beginning to settle down. Though as they say, as soon as you think you have them figured out…they change it all on you. "Parenting is a crap shoot!"

The Little Sucker (though today was her first time falling asleep with a soother)

Babies are funny

2008-03-24T10:40:00.006-05:00

We thought we would try to get Mikayla's pictures taken at Rod's studio. He gave us 2 hrs, hoping for 15 good minutes. We got 3. She was crying the whole time…even after a feed. Needless to say the minute we popped her the car and drove off she was out…for 4 hrs! Taking infant shots is tougher than we expected!

Grandma Epp is proud to hold her two newest granddaughters! Norah Bethany joined our family on Wednesday, March 19! So they are almost exactly a month apart. Mika looks like she's wanting more attention!

The chin kiss!
Yes, Mika is a sucking fanatic!

Mommy hood

2008-03-20T12:22:00.006-05:00

I have a few moments as Mikayla lies in blissful sleep. She's been missing her morning naps lately so I'm thrilled that she has finally decided to rest.
We had a very adorable morning together as she wore this little Peter Rabit sleeper with a little hoodie and ears! I was quite taken with her!

The last two days were pretty rough as I just couldn't calm her down. I've been getting a lot of pain in my shoulders and wrist and arms from doing the usual holding, feeding, rocking…non stop! By the time Nate gets home I'm exhausted and ready to hand her over.

We have it pretty good though I must say. She only wakes up once at night and that is almost always on the dot of 4 or 5am. She then sleeps again till 8 or 9! It's wonderful.

I never liked babies much but I am a true prototype for a mom lost in love for her babe. I am so taken with her! Every sound she makes is delightful to me. Even her different cries are adorable (though not if they last all evening!).

She loves to be changed after feeding and just lying there naked. She's also quite used to the "holding over the pot" aspect. We take off her diaper and hold her over the container and she pees almost everytime. If we don't hold her she'll pee on the change table. I've even got her to poo twice now! It's incredible and very rewarding for us all:) Potty trained at a month! haha

Someone mentioned that she looked like she has quite the personality from the pics. I would agree. I'm dying to know what her voice sounds like and what her thoughts are. She has been a very aware and alert baby from day one. We also think she is quite the people person. We may be wrong but she always loves to gaze into people's eyes and look at them constantly. That just may be a baby thing.

Anyway, as much as I can be a pessimist and complain that I'm in pain and that the house is a mess I'm loving mommy hood. I'm trying to train myself to relax about the rest.

Our best week yet!

2008-03-14T17:25:00.003-05:00

Little Mika is 3 weeks old today. She has been amazing this week. We've all gotten rest and eating and pooping are going well. She is a beautiful little angel and as hard as it is being a parent I will miss this stage when it's over.

Today was my second day "alone" with her. Up till this point I've had either my sisters or my mom or Nathan with me.

Yesterday was pretty tough as I felt really lonely and distant from Mikayla but today I told her we have to get along and figure things out together. We did great. We took a nap together this morning. She let me have a short shower (with not so warm water…silly apartments). I fed her the rest of the morning it seemed and then she slept again so I took her for a walk in the stroller. It was wonderfully sunny out.

I've been trying to notice her "elimination" patterns and have laughed as every time we change her diaper and take it off she pees! It gets all over her back and is a mess. So today I thought ahead and found a container so that when I took off her diaper I held her over it. I made "sss" sound and she went in the pot! It was fantastic! We saved one diaper today from going in the dump:) Hopefully this can be a trend…

2 Weeks Old!

2008-03-05T09:54:00.008-06:00

Well, she looks like a little angel here but there are definitely moments…quite long ones where the not-so-angelic side comes out. Babies are a lot of work and the sleep deprivation that goes along with parenting can not be over-stated.

Everyday is a bit better. We're gaining more confidence and finding new tricks to handle the curve balls she throws our way.

The yoga ball bounce technique for sore tummies (thanks Deanna)

The sling hold technique to make baby feel like she's tight in the womb again.
Only lasts so long! This is really comfy for mom too!

And of course the mommy cuddle:)

Mom has been an incredible help here. She has a special touch with Mikayla. Able to calm her down when I was at my end. She's also a great cook!

Mikayla is growing fast and all this will soon be history. We are enjoying all the little moments of joy. Her little toe curl, her quirky sounds and sleeping facial expressions. Her deep concentration when she's pooping (and we are still celebrating that fact), and her long drawn out stretches after a good nap.

Thanks for all the support we've felt over these difficult times. We could not do this alone!

2008-02-25T21:54:00.005-06:00

WE HAVE A BABY GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mikayla River Epp was born on Feb 22nd at 7:42. She was 9 pounds! It was an amazing birth experience at home and everyone is healthy. We are definitely going through a lot of adjustments right now and sleep is at an all time low.

But it's all worth it, as we have the CUTEST BABY EVER!!!

My wonderfully amazing sisters!

2008-02-19T10:40:00.004-06:00

I have the best sisters in the world!

They have taken their reading break to come visit Nathan and I and more importantly, the little baby. We are all anxious for this baby's arrival which has yet to happen though I did have contractions all night.

It's amazing though what we have done in the last few days.
We've had a lot of productive, fun days!
We took advantage of the warm weather Saturday and went for a long walk to the Forks. We've used the free swimming pool twice now and thoroughly enjoyed the relaxing salt water which doesn't hurt our eyes!
Yesterday we made two batches of delicious muffins, a gourmet hummus with roasted peppers, fruit salad and apple crisp. The day before we made homemade pasta and sauce. We are well taken care of for sure!
Nelly had a surprise shower for us with the Doerkson family. They gave us a very nice play pen! We were thrilled once we figured out how to assemble it:)

I can't believe how lucky I am to have these girls in my life and to share this time with them. Baby Maple has some pretty cute, talented, really fun aunts to meet!

Come baby! Come baby! Come!

Lent

2008-02-12T14:58:00.000-06:00

I am not fasting from any food or drink or way of transportation or entertainment this year. I guess having this baby will be enough of an adjustment that throwing anything on top of that would be a little crazy!

In actual fact I am entering into a lifelong fast from thinking of only myself. That era is coming to an end! Quite radical indeed.

But to guide my thoughts this lenton season on a topic that is pretty close to my heart, I will meditate and think on this litany which was shared by Shane Claiborn.

For the text in Word format download, Jesus for President Litany

why does God like water?

2008-02-07T00:05:00.000-06:00

i was sitting in my lovely warm bath this evening contemplating the birth of our child in a very short time. i thought about how we are going to have a little pool and how soothing that will be. i thought about water and all it's amazing properties. i then started to wonder…

why does God like water so much?

isn't it interesting how 75% or more of our bodies are made of water?
that babies' first 9 months are in a form of water?
that Jesus said we should be baptized in water?

i asked God this question and He simply said, the water is my Spirit.

nate and i got to talking and started describing some of the characteristics of water. water moves and is fluid. it does not have a shape except that of it's container. water remains the same and yet it is extremely adaptable.

this got me thinking again. if God is like water, why does He need to be adaptable? isn't He God? exactly. this is the most fascinating part. God remains the same from beginning to end. His story, His truth's and lessons remain the same but they are able to adapt, to take the shape of the container they are in! God is able to speak to us over thousands and thousands of years in ways that are new and fresh to us, yet completely old and unchanging.

God you are truly amazing.

village in the city and other bizarre things

2008-02-01T10:54:00.001-06:00

I've been thinking a lot about life as we know it and how much it has changed in the last 100 years. I often find myself wishing in many ways for the way it used to be (when I'm not enjoying my computer this much). In the way that it used to be small towns, villages where people congregated, met with their children, were TOGETHER a whole lot more!

It is quite obvious that most of us are looking for a stronger sense of belonging, place, purpose and in general, good friends. We also know that we want to buy less stuff, drive in less traffic jams, eat less chemicals and be in general healthier and happier.

Here in frigid Winnipeg I have discovered that there are a lot of easy ways to do that. The first one is simply this: walk down the street and see what is there!

Yesterday, I decided that rather than spending a fortune on a nice haircut with all the lovely perks of scalp massage, tea in hand, nice scents all around and relaxed service I would try the corner hairdresser. Some of you women might gasp at this but it was rather great! I walked in and was the only white person there. Everyone… staff and clients were from Asia of some sort! It was hilarious! I paid half the price, it took half as long and I actually like my hair!

Not only that, but I talked to people who live near me (most of the clients are local regulars) and I now know my community a bit better.

Our bank is across the street and I'm also getting to recognize the tellers there as well. No one is Caucasian by the way. I point this out often because I'm still perplexed that I live in Wintery Winnipeg and get to see so many folks from around the world. It's beautiful!

It is my hope and ambition to become more a part of this community. It's tough. It's unnatural but I really think it is key to having a better life.
Any thoughts?

Nathan is having fun with our webcam…and his beard!

Maria's new hair

THREE MORE WEEKS!

2008-01-28T11:12:00.000-06:00

I can't stop thinking about it. I'm going to be a mom. I really can't talk about much else. This baby is getting bigger and bigger and moving like crazy.

I was so relieved when Becky, my midwife said it was in the right position. All ready to go!

We are having a home birth. We are also having a doula…someone who helps the mom and dad relax, focus, ease pain in a non-medical way. She is wonderful. She has a lot of experience and two of her own kids. I feel like I could ask her anything.

As we were discovering the different options for birth we realized the benefits to having the baby at home. We will have all the freedom to move around as we like. There won't be the distractions and noise, the lights and procedures that are often part of hospitals. We are also renting a birth pool where I can go to relax and feel "lighter". It's amazing to hear about the pain relief that comes from water. Who knows if the baby will be born in there but it will definitely be an unforgettable experience!

I'm just getting over a lingering cold and trying to regain strength. I found a local pool that is absolutely wonderful. Nathan and I plan on going there often. There's just something about water. The feeling of lightness. It's so great! Plus it's a place of warmth in this frigid winter!

Nesting is in full motion.
Have a wonderful week everyone!

Long Overdue

2008-01-15T08:44:00.001-06:00

Well this is long overdue but it has taken me a while to settle back into Winnipeg life. It seems that we hit the ground running on January 7th. It's been a whirlwind of events over Christmas and over New Years but I am really thankful we could be in St. Catharines for such great connecting time.

My dear friend Kathy is due any minute now! Here she is in Japan…hoping to one day be…Kathy Mom
and here she is with Jeff at Christmas…a lot closer to that goal!

We are only a month apart which is pretty remarkable if you think about it since I've only been married a year and she and Jeff have been together well…quite a lot longer than that! We're both ready for this new stage in life though and will definitely have a lot to share! Good luck babe on pushing that little peanut out!

Here in Winnipeg we've been pretty busy with friends and baby preparations. On a sad note we sent Barb and Isaac off to New Zealand for a 3 month extended honeymoon of sorts where they get to couch surf, wave surf, and generally enjoy the New Zealand pace of life for the winter!

I wanted to summarize this last year with a few pictures to remember. So much has happened in 2007 it's impossible to capture it all.

Here is a short list of major events in 2007:

Kathleen and Jason married (cousins), Paul and Sarah are pregnant (due Feb 1), Kath and Jeff are pregnant (due Jan 20), Maria and Nathan were married and pregnant (May 19, due Feb 19), Barb and Isaac married, Kristine and Peter married, Karin and Matt married, Diane and Heath have baby Seth, my Grandma Klassen passes away (Jan 3), Kris and Mike have baby Cohen, Suzanne and Brent are dating, Jason and Loraleigh move to Neepawa, Matthew finishes College, Rose finishes degree and continues with masters and the list could go on and on.

Life is so full and rich and diverse. A lot of people would rather not reflect too often. I'm not sure why but I enjoy it immensely. I love to remember how God has worked in my life and how He has surrounded us with so much love and taught us so much over the year. I hope to do some writing of reflection just to look back and fill up with Thanksgiving!

holiday time!

2007-12-22T18:47:00.000-06:00

my friend nancy's tree. have you ever seen one like it?

a white swan finding some water to show off in! beautiful:)

the cutest outfit! a little housecoat for our baby!

kath and maria one month apart!

Stop the Climate-Wrecking at Bali

2007-12-13T08:24:00.000-06:00

You probably know that the world's governments have gathered in Bali for a UN conference to begin negotiating a global greenhouse gas emissions treaty to replace the Kyoto Protocol when it expires in 2012. You may also know that the United States, the world's largest producer of greenhouse gases, failed to sign the Kyoto Protocol.

This is the United States' chance to join the community of nations that are trying to cap global emissions and reduce the effect that climate change is and will have on us all.

But the U.S. is not rising to challenge. Instead of being the world leader we ought to be, we are torpedoing, along with Canada and Japan, the rest of the world's ambitious attempts to address climate problems. I, for one, feel ashamed.

According it is put on the website of Avaaz, "a community of global citizens who take action on the major issues facing the world today":

Climate negotiations in Bali are in crisis. Things were looking good till now: near-consensus on a delicate deal, including 2020 targets for rich countries, in return for which China and the developing world would do their part over time. IPCC scientists have said such targets are needed to prevent catastrophe. But Japan, the US and Canada are banding together to wreck the deal, and the rest of the world is starting to waver...

We can’t let three stubborn governments throw away the planet's future. We have until the end of Friday to do everything we can. Please sign our emergency global petition below -- we'll deliver it through stunts at the summit, a full-page ad in the Jakarta Post in Asia, and directly to country delegates to stiffen their nerve against any bad compromise. Add your name to the campaign below now!

"We call urgently for the US, Canada and Japan to stop blocking serious 2020 targets for emissions reductions, and for the rest of the world to refuse to accept anything less."

To sign the Avaaz worldwide petition (isn't there anything more we can do?), go here.

taken from No Impact Man Blog

Another World is Possible

2007-11-29T08:37:00.000-06:00

I looked this up because I was curious about it in the book, "Irresistable Revolution". I find it really applicable after all the crises I'm hearing about and around Christmas when we are so concerned about stuff. Watch it a few times.

City vs. Country

2007-11-23T10:44:00.000-06:00

As I have been thinking about our life here in Winnipeg and the place where we have chosen to live I am brought to many questions about raising children. Nathan and I live in an area that is one of the cheapest in the city (though there are cheaper). We are in the heart of the city, surrounded by people from all cultures. Our apartment is home to many families of different sizes. Some sharing a three bedroom with 4 kids!

I have never lived this close to people in my whole life. It sounds strange to say but it's very different for me. I realize how much I grew up in a private little world of my own on the country side of Niagara. I was surrounded by nature, the open sky and whatever my little childhood imagination would take me. It was a paradise of sorts.

It's been a continual discussion between Nathan and I on the benefits of the country and the city. Why I have such a difficult time letting go of my childhood and have a hard time believing that children can thrive and become just as creative and dare I say, "intelligent" in the city. Surrounded by fences, roads, rules, garbage and danger…who wouldn't want a better place?

As I look around I discover children who have things I never had. I see children who know how to play with other kids period. Not only do they know how to play but they are very comfortable with others who are different from themselves. I see kids who know how to play in small settings and be happy. I see kids who are taught skills in problem solving they would never face in the country.

I still can't say I have come to any conclusion except to hope that our children will have the privilege of both country and city life. I know that nature was a huge life-giving force for both Nathan and I growing up. I know it will be for our kids as well in some way.

We are pretty committed to the city and the people we see here. I see a lot of God in the city. And yet He too retreated to a quiet place. I know that we as a society are far away from any rootedness and connection to the land. We have very little emotional bonding to the creation of God which grieves me. I pray that we will find new ways to bond even in this city.

Cookin' up a Storm with Mom

2007-10-10T10:57:00.001-05:00

yes, the belly is growing. 5 months now:)

Mom showed me the ropes on preparing a turkey meal!

before the guests arrive
we've got from the left: Mre, Nate, Karin, Matt, Barb and Isaac (closed eyes)

This thanksgiving was a surprise celebration as my mom decided to show up at my door from St. Catharines! She couldn't stand being away from me and my growing belly! We were extremely blessed by her being here. She lavished us with love and even thought it would be a good idea to cook a turkey dinner for our neighbours. Since it was Isaac's first official Thanksgiving meal, we were excited to make it.

Tai Chi master…ready…set…relax!
Baby blankets just need to made by hand! We spent 2 hours in the fabric store:)
Love you mom! We had a great time together!